I See the Moon
by whothefrickleisbucky
Summary: Steve knows it's his fault. No one seems to blame him but he knows full well that it was his leadership that put Tony in the hospital, seriously injured and in a coma. Steve stays by his side constantly because he has to wake up, Steve will never forgive himself if he doesn't.
1. Chapter 1

"It wasn't your fault, Steve." Bucky said slowly.

Steve stood frozen just outside of the hospital room. From the window he could see Stark, bruised and beaten down worse than he had ever seen him. Bruce, Clint, and Natasha were in the room with him, hovering a bit too close to the bed and intimidating the doctors and nurses that constantly came in and out of the room.

Stark looked far smaller than he had ever been in all the years they had been a team. Of course, he had always been a small man, taller than Natasha but just a touch shorter than Clint and Bruce. This was different though. This was the loud and confidant man lying deathly still in a hospital bed and seemed like such a fragile and delicate thing that had been broken and beaten and damn close to death because Steve made the wrong call.

"You know that's not true." He said slowly.

Bucky wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled Steve close, turning him so that he was no longer looking into Stark's hospital room. "Shut up, Stevie. You didn't know it was going to do that. It was a mistake. No one blames you."

Steve buried his head into Bucky's shoulder. He loved this man, trusted him with everything, but at this moment he was wrong. It was his fault, he completely believed it was. He had misjudged the situation, he hadn't considered the possibilities, and didn't think twice before ordering Iron Man into what should have been an obvious trap.

He was just thinking about the safety of what he thought were civilians in a building that Doom had set to blow. He thought they had more time before the bomb went off, the timer told them they had more time. The rest of the team was trying to stop the doombots from attacking the rest of the city, there was no chance they could save the one building that they had planted bombs on.

Iron Man's scanners had said there were no heat signatures, the building was empty and it would be fine. Stark said he would pay to have it rebuilt so it was an expendable structure. But Steve had heard it, voices calling for help from the building, and ordered Stark in there to find whoever it was. Steve didn't know it was a trap, he didn't know the doombots had recorded human voices to lure them inside. He definitely didn't know the timer on the bombs outside of the building was wrong. It was a trap, he had fallen for it, the building collapsed, and now Stark was lying unconscious in the ICU.

"He's going to pull through." Bucky whispered to him. "That man can survive on pure stubbornness. Now let's go in there and you're going to take charge like you have to."

Steve nodded against his shoulder. He loved Bucky so much, would forever be thankful for having him back. He always knew what had to be done, what would be best for everyone's wellbeing. Steve may have been the team leader, but since Bucky had come to the tower a year before he had quickly become everyone's caretaker, making sure they all felt physically and mentally well.

They walked into the room quickly, Steve held onto Bucky's metal hand as if it were a life preserver. No one looked up as they entered and no one even acknowledged Steve. They were all too focused on Stark as he lay motionless in the bed in front of them. He looked even worse up close. The deep purple bruises dotted almost all visible skin and he could now make out all the little cuts and scrapes that covered Tony's body. A large tube was sticking out of his mouth, a machine breathing for him.

"What's his status?" Steve asked firmly, keeping his voice as steady as possible.

"Lucky to be alive." Clint muttered.

Bruce shook his head and gave Steve and Bucky a quick glance. "He has a severe concussion, three broken ribs, he fractured his left radius, and has some slight damage to his spine."

Steve closed his eyes. This was terrible and it was all his fault. He didn't want to look at anyone, didn't want to see the judgement in their faces or the damage he had done to his friend and teammate, but he forced his eyes back open and looked at Stark closely.

"Damage to his spine?" Steve asked quickly. He wasn't a medical professional but his mother was a nurse and they covered the basics in the army. Spine injuries were serious.

"The doctors have been running tests since he's arrived. There is a small amount of trauma induced damage to his neck area. More precisely, C7 and T1." Bruce said slowly. "They won't be able to give him neurological tests until he wakes up to see if there is complete or incomplete damage, but they have hopes he won't be entirely paralyzed."

Steve held in a sigh of relief. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had made the call that paralyzed Iron Man. But Bruce didn't sound happy, he sounded distressed and concerned. Natasha and Clint looked downright devastated.

"What is likely to happen?" He asked. He really didn't want to know, but he was still the leader of this team. Steve needed to know what happened to someone under his command out in the field.

Bruce took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Nerve damage to the C7 and T1 can lead to a loss of dexterity in the hands and fingers and give him limited use of his arms. Like I said, we won't know how severe it is until he wakes up and does neurological tests."

"When do the doctors expect him to wake up?" Steve said. He was proud of the stern quality his voice had taken on, he needed to at least seem like he had control of the situation.

Clint shook his head and Natasha sighed. That wasn't a good sign. Those two were usually so careful about hiding most serious emotions but Steve could see the fear and sadness barely visible on their faces.

"They don't know." Natasha said. "He's suffered from a serious head injury. He's in a coma."

Steve's legs felt shaky. He couldn't keep himself standing for much longer. Bucky wrapped an arm around him and held his weight. No one was looking at him. He did this, this was his fault. He had endangered the team and now Stark was probably seriously, possibly even permanently injured.

Steve had never made such a horrible call before. He had put Stark into this hospital, he had sent him straight into a building he knew was rigged to explode just to save civilians that didn't even exist. He should have trusted Stark when he said the thermal scans came back negative for lifeforms.

There was no turning back time, no fixing the past. He leaned away from Bucky, letting him keep a firm hand on his back until he was sure he was steady.

"You guys go get washed up." Steve said. He walked around all of them and deposited himself in one of the few chairs in the room. It was one of the uncomfortable plastic ones that he was surprised held his weight. "I'll stay with Stark."

"I'd rather stay." Clint said, crossing his arms.

Steve shook his head. "No. I did this, I'll sit with him." He said. "You guys did a good job out there. You need to rest."

"Fury will want to debrief." Natasha said.

"Then he'll know where to find me." Steve said firmly. "You all go shower and rest. That's an order."

Clint's frown deepened. He looked like he was about to argue, but Natasha laid a gentle hand on his arm and shook her head.

"Aye aye Captain." He muttered before rushing through the door. Natasha followed quickly behind him.

Bruce gave one last look at Tony. "You'll call me immediately if anything changes?"

Steve nodded. He should have expected resistance. The whole team cared about Tony. This man was loud, obnoxious, annoying, generous, and kind. If they ever needed anything Tony would get it for them without blinking an eye. He offered them his home, his skills, his time, and everything else he had to offer. No one liked to admit it but the whole team cared about him. Steve wasn't that close to him. They didn't get along that much and although he was thankful for everything Stark had given him, they tended to spend most of their time away from each other. He still considered him a friend though, a valuable teammate. Everyone else on the team interacted with him a lot more, they were closer. If Steve had gotten him killed he didn't know if they would respect any future orders he would give. His leadership would be in question, probably rightfully so.

"It's not your fault, Steve." Bucky said again. Steve shook his head, too tired to continue this argument. "They don't blame you. They're just stressed and worried."

Bucky walked up to him quickly, leaning down to gently kiss his lips. It wasn't passionate or overwhelming like all their other kisses, it was soft and reassuring.

"Would you like me to relay your orders to Thor?" Bucky asked as he pulled away.

"Yeah." Steve said. "Tell him to head back to the tower and get some rest if he's done scanning the perimeter of the hospital. I keep telling him it's safe but he doesn't listen."

Bucky nodded. "From what I've heard, his experience with Earth hospitals isn't ideal. He just wants Tony to be safe."

"We all do." Steve said. "Take care of the team, I'm going to stay with Stark."

"Don't forget to rest yourself." Bucky said slowly as he walked towards the door.

Steve nodded once and then turned his attention back to Stark. The man looked half dead. It was a terrifying look for him. If he died Steve didn't doubt there wouldn't be a team anymore. The others wouldn't trust his leadership anymore, Steve wouldn't trust himself to lead.

"Come on, Stark." Steve whispered. "You gotta wake up. We need you."


	2. Chapter 2

"It's been a week." Bruce muttered slowly. "Perhaps we should start preparing for the possibility that he won-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Bucky said, cutting Bruce off.

Steve was thankful. He really didn't want to hear the team talk about worst case scenarios, not when their discussion was about the man in front of them. Tony was still asleep, in a deep coma and still showed no signs of waking up anytime soon. Steve had stayed. For the whole week Steve had maintained his post by Tony's bed and waited. Every morning he had a wave of hope that today was the day, Tony would come back to them, and everything would go back to the way it should be.

The mechanical whir of the machinery was calming. The soft sounds of the ventilator ensured him that Tony was breathing, the beeping of the heart monitor told him that it was still beating inside of Tony's battered chest. He was alive, Steve wanted to make sure he stayed that way.

"Steve, let's go get lunch." Bucky said as he stood up from his spot on the couch next to him.

Steve looked away from the hospital bed and glanced over to Bucky. "If we wait an hour we can ask one of the nurses to bring us something."

"No. We can head down to the cafeteria and get something." Bucky said, forcing a small smile. Steve frowned. Bucky didn't look good, he looked tired and concerned and half ready to fall apart. It reminded him so much of how Bucky used to look, after SHIELD and HYDRA fell and he had found Bucky soaked to the bone and hiding in the alley behind the tower. He was scared, nervous, and Steve had vowed to never allow that look to be on his face again.

"Just for a little while?" Steve asked slowly. Bucky's face visibly brightened, his body relaxed slightly, and nodded. "Okay then."

He stood up slowly, his eyes darting between Tony's still form in his bed and Bucky waiting in front of him. It'll be half an hour at most, he could have lunch with Bucky and get back to Tony in no time at all. Nothing could possibly happen in that half an hour. Nothing serious.

Bucky grabbed his hand as soon as they were out of the room and started leading the way down the hall. Steve silently followed, allowing himself to be lead down numerous hallways and into an elevator. Bucky had scoped out the hospital the moment Tony was admitted. By now he probably knew all the exits and which escape routes would be best if during different attack scenarios. It seemed that he did the same thing with every place he would be staying an extended period of time in. He had actually initiated monthly drills at the tower so everyone would be prepared in case of an attack.

Once they made it to the cafeteria Bucky let go of his hand and grabbed a tray, piling different kinds of food and snacks onto it without hesitation. Steve just continued following behind him. He wasn't that hungry. When they were done they sat down and Bucky just pushed the tray over to Steve.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm not that hungry, Buck." Steve said, reaching out to push the tray back to Bucky's side of the table.

Bucky paused and stared blankly at Steve with just a slight downturn to his lips. Something was definitely bothering him but now that they were away from the team and in a room full of hospital staff he was hiding it.

"You haven't been back to the tower in a week. You've been sitting in his hospital room nonstop." Bucky started, looking away from Steve and down at the tray between them. "You've never acted this strangely before."

"Sure I have." Steve said. Ever since he had gotten Bucky back things were getting slightly better every day. Bucky was talking more, interacting with the team occasionally, and even remembering who he used to be. He wasn't the Bucky he remembered, there was just a few facial expressions and quirky behaviors that were still there from his friend, but he was happy and safe and even though it wasn't the same it was just as good. "You probably don't remember but one winter back when we were kids I somehow ended up not getting sick. That was a big deal because whenever the weather changed I always got sick, but not this time. I was fine but you ended up getting the worst cold you've ever had. You stayed in bed for days and I never left your side."

Steve smiled fondly. He didn't get sick anymore, neither did Bucky. That was a good memory, he remembered feeling great and fantastic and hoped he had finally grew out of his poor health but he also felt guilty for feeling so great when Bucky was coughing and wheezing in his bed with his mother hovering over him for days.

Bucky paused for a moment, no recognition entered his eyes but he nodded. "So it's normal for you to neglect your health because someone else isn't well? How are you still alive?" He said, his light tone was forced but appreciated. "I don't think you've been eating as much as you should so please have lunch and then you can go back."

"Fine, but only because you asked nicely." Steve said. He started unwrapping the sandwich Bucky had got and stuck his tongue out, Bucky returning it with that lopsided, charming smile that had survived the decades and almost made his heart stop every time he saw it. "You don't play fair, Barnes."

The sandwich was delicious considering it was pre-prepared hospital food and Steve hadn't eaten an actual meal in almost a week. It wasn't like the home cooking he was used to, even though most of that cooking was done by either professional chefs or half exhausted superheroes, none of it at all like how his mother used to cook all those years ago, but it was better than the hundreds of packaged snack foods he had been eating.

After he took the first bite Bucky relaxed slightly. Not entirely, not here, but some tension drained from his muscles and relief flooded his features.

"How's everything at the tower going? Is it still standing?" Steve asked.

Bucky chuckled. "Barely. It almost burned down twice. Thank God for fire extinguishers." He said, smiling. He was stressed, his features were strained. Steve reached across the table slowly and gently brushed his fingers over Bucky's cheek, tracing the soft lines and stubble. Bucky leaned into the touch.

"You're not doing too good." Steve said as he took another large bite of his sandwich.

Bucky shrugged and looked down. "I'm fine, Stevie. And if you think I look bad then you obviously been avoiding mirrors the past few days." He said quietly.

"I'm offended." Steve said. Bucky's smile became more relaxed. "Are you alright?"

He nodded quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Really." He said. Steve didn't believe it. Bucky hesitated, trying to fight off the questioning look Steve was giving him. "I'm just not sleeping that much. I can't… I just…" Bucky shook his head quickly. "I want you to come home."

The sentence was spoken in such a hushed, desperate tone that it damn near broke Steve's heart. He abandoned his food, pushing the tray aside as he stood up quickly and walked around the table, pulling Bucky up from his seat and into his arms. "I know, baby. I want to come home too. I miss you." He whispered as he pressed quick kisses across Bucky's face. "But I messed up. I broke the team. I almost killed him. I have to stay here until I fix it."

Bucky buried his head into Steve's neck and inhaled deeply as he nodded. "I know. But what if he doesn't wake up? What if you never come back?" He breathed out, barely audible.

"Bucky, sweetheart, I'll always come back to you." Steve said, placing a gentle kiss to Bucky's hair.

"Okay. Good." Bucky nodded. He pulled away slightly. "I love you, you giant idiot. You'll have to come back sooner or later. Stark's not as pretty as I am."

"I don't like his beard." Steve said, smiling slightly. It was a serious situation, one that made him feel like he was about to fall apart. It felt both wrong and relaxing to joke about it. Almost made him believe that it wasn't as serious as it really was, that Tony was just asleep and injured and not in a coma with so much damage to his body that everyone was silently freaking out. "I always had a thing for snarky brunettes."

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against Bucky's, allowing the man the choice of whether or not to push into the kiss. Sometimes he didn't, sometimes he pulled away, but most of the time he would lean forward and grab on to Steve's shirt to hold him close as if he was afraid that he would slip away. It was different than how they kissed back before the war, which were soft and sweet, yet still passionate. Ever since he had gotten Bucky back and had fallen in love with him all over again, since Bucky had rekindled their relationship four months back with a soft whisper of love, their kisses were heated and desperate.

It took all of his strength to pull back. It wasn't the appropriate time or place to continue on like this. They were in a hospital, making out like horny teenagers, while one of their closest friends was barely alive.

"We should start heading back." Steve whispered, pressing his forehead to Bucky's.

Bucky closed his eyes, tensing slightly, and stood completely still. Steve didn't want to pull away. He waited until Bucky opened his eyes again and nodded.

He hadn't eaten as much as he should, Bucky will probably bring that up later, but it had been over half an hour and he was starting to worry. A lot of things could have happened in that time. Tony's condition could have either improved or drastically plummeted. But neither of those had happened. They walked back into Tony's room and he was still there, just as he had been, unmoving, broken, and far too pale.

"No change." Bruce said as they entered.

Steve nodded. It was better than what could have happened, but also disappointing. Steve wanted change. He had spent a whole week sleeping on a small, ratty couch in the corner of a hospital room waiting for change. But every day it was always the same. He'd wake up, eat, nap, talk to the constant parade of visitors, keep up with the team, and then go back to sleep. It had become routine. Steve needed Tony to wake up.

He went back to his little couch in the corner and plopped down, the palms of his hands rubbing at his eyes. Bucky didn't join him. Instead he walked up to the edge of Tony's bed and stared down at him. Stark looked terrible, if he didn't know any better he would have thought he was dead. Bucky reached out slowly and brushed the messy dark hair off of Tony's forehead.

"I'm going to stay." Bucky said finally. Steve raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm going to stay." Bucky repeated before he turned back to Steve and joined him on the couch. "Someone has to take care of your stupid ass while you're busy taking care of Stark."

"Well, for starters, my ass isn't stupid. It's a nice ass, you've told me so yourself." Steve said, flashing a smug grin. Bruce sighed loudly and buried his head deeper into his book. "Secondly, I'm not really doing much of anything. You should go back to the tower, you're more comfortable there."

Bucky shook his head. He leaned back into the couch and buried himself into Steve's side. "Nope. I'm not going back until you come with me." He said.

"It might be a while, Buck." Steve said, reaching over to start running his fingers through Bucky's long brown hair. "This is just something I have to do."

"It's not your responsibility to sit with him twenty-four hours a day." Bucky mumbled. "It's not your fault. No one blames you."

Steve forced a smile. Bucky couldn't see it with his head buried into Steve's ribs, Bruce wasn't looking their way, and Tony was fast asleep. Steve just felt like he needed to smile, even though he really didn't want to because maybe it would lighten the mood. It was Steve's fault. Everyone kept saying they didn't blame him, they had all come to visit at least once a day and every one of his teammates were stressed, tense, angry, but always told him to take care of himself and that it would be alright. They never seemed to aim their anger towards him when they all knew he deserved it the most.

He kept petting at Bucky's hair until all tension drained from the man and he felt him sink further into the couch. His chest rose slowly and steadily with each breath and Steve knew he had fallen asleep. That was good, Bucky looked exhausted.

They stayed like that for several hours. Bucky was fast asleep next to him and Steve wasn't going to risk waking him up to move. After a while Bruce had left, offering an apology with mentions of an experiment waiting for him back at his lab. Clint and Thor stopped by, only staying long enough to drop a few more armfuls of stuffed animals into the corner. It was just the three of them, Bucky sleeping deeply, Tony unconscious, and Steve watching over both of them.

The song he started humming was familiar, but he couldn't quite remember what it was. It felt nice, safe, like a good song to be humming at the moment. Sometimes Bucky didn't sleep well when they were just small children and Steve remembered singing him the lullabies his ma would sing to him. It always put Bucky right to sleep. He didn't remember the words to any of them, but the harmony of the song he was humming sounded so damn familiar he would guess that was it.

Bucky shifted next to him. Steve glanced over and sure enough he saw the pale blue eyes peeking out at him from under that mess of hair. He looked so calm and at peace that Steve wanted to lean down and kiss him again, whisper his promises of love in his ear, and just melt into his embrace.

But then the slow beeping of Tony's heart monitor started to pick up slightly. Bucky was off the couch before he was, rushing to Tony's side before a horde of doctors and nurses started pushing them out of the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve let himself be nudged aside and into the background by the nurses, Bucky had to be dragged back. The doctors knew what they were doing, they could help Tony better than he could, they could save him. Steve kept telling himself that, repeating it over and over in his head like a mantra as the wail of Tony's heart monitor filled the room. Steve grabbed onto Bucky, holding him against his chest so the man wouldn't run back to that hospital bed and disturb the doctors.

"He's gonna be fine, they're gonna save him." Steve whispered into Bucky's ear. He repeated the sentence over and over until he saw Tony's body jerk slightly.

Steve froze. Tony was moving, his body moved quickly and violently but he was still moving. He hoped that meant he was waking up, that everything would be okay and they could go home. If Tony was moving that meant he was still in there.

"He's seizing!" One of the nurses shouted. Steve's heart sank as the numerous doctors and nurses tried to hold him down, stop his body from moving too much.

Eventually the loud roar of the heart monitor died down and returned to its slow beeping, Tony stopped moving and went back to being far too still and quiet. He didn't wake up. The doctors and nurses started to slowly leave the room to return to their duties.

Bucky went straight back up to Tony's bed, leaning over slightly to look him over carefully. He stayed out of the way of the nurses who checked on Tony, stepping back when they needed him to, but always went right back to Tony's side.

The rest of the nurses left, one of doctors walked back into the room with a small, sad frown. "He had a seizure. It's not uncommon for patients with head injuries, but he also has a spinal injury so we want him moving as little as possible. We may have to restrain him in case it happens again." She said calmly. "We'll also schedule another CT scan and MRI to make sure he hasn't damaged anything further."

Steve's mind wandered, his eyes locking on Tony where he lay in his hospital bed, his mind starting to drown out whatever the doctor was saying with a barrage of thoughts. He's alive, he's safe, he's just not awake. Steve wasn't entirely sure how long he could keep this up, how many weeks he could sit in this small room praying that Tony would wake up, how long Bucky would be willing to wait here with him, how long before it's too late and Tony's gone forever.

Bucky was kneeling next to Tony, his metal hand gripping the railing tightly and his flesh hand was gently brushing back the dark hair off of Tony's forehead. Something had to happen soon, or all three of them wouldn't be able to make it. The longer Tony slept the less hopeful Steve was that he would wake up. If he didn't wake up then it would probably be the end of the Avengers, or at least Steve's part in it. He hardly trusted himself to order Bucky back to the tower to rest, fearful that once again it would be the wrong call and something horrible would happen.

It was going to destroy Bucky as well. He and Tony were friends. Steve sometimes caught them in the middle of the night swapping stories and making jokes. The two of them could spend hours, sometimes all night if the two of them aren't sleeping well, locked away in his lab and then come out with new technology to revolutionize society and a fully upgraded prosthetic that was lighter and moved smoother. Steve had taken one of Bucky's few friends from him. It was hard enough for him to talk to people, get attached to them. Steve was surprised when he and Tony got on so great and now look at what he did.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve whispered as the doctor left.

Bucky glanced over to him before looking back at Tony. "It's not your fault, Steve."

"No, it is." Steve said. "He was your friend, I know you cared about him. I sent him in there and look at what happened."

Bucky stood up quickly and was at Steve's side in an instant, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Steve's shoulder. "You're an idiot, Rogers. 's not your fault. Stop crying." He said softly. Steve's hand shot up to wipe at his face, sure enough it was wet. "You didn't know it was a trap. You thought you were saving civilians. You did the right thing."

"No, I didn't. I nearly got Stark killed." Steve whispered. "He might not wake up. I shouldn't have sent him in there. I did this."

Bucky pulled back and took Steve's face in his hands. Steve forced a small smile and closed his eyes as he felt Bucky's lips gently brushed against his cheeks. The kisses were so soft and filled with so much love and affection that Steve wanted the floor to open him and swallow him whole. He didn't deserve this. Not now, not after what he's done, and certainly not with Tony unconscious less than five feet away from them.

He pulled back and Bucky's hands dropped from his face. "I'm sorry Bucky."

Bucky's face dropped, his shoulders drooped, and the heartbroken expression he had almost made Steve think someone had kicked a puppy right in front of him. Steve hadn't seen that look since the helicarrier, when the world was burning and falling apart around them and Steve just managed to get through to him. That look on Bucky's face, a hint of recognition surrounded by horror, pain, and fear. Steve hated that look.

"Alright. He's going to be fine though." Bucky said firmly. "He's survived worse, he'll survive this."

"Even so, I did this. If he wakes up it'll be a miracle, amazing and wonderful and I hope it happens." Steve said quickly. He reached out and laid his hands on Bucky's shoulders. "But I still did this to him. I sent him in there and he got hurt. How am I supposed to make up for that? Get him a fruit basket?"

"He's probably not even going to be upset. He adores you." Bucky said, smiling slightly. Steve sighed and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe adore isn't the right word. But he highly respects you, cares about you. He thinks of you as a friend. And Tony doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. If he thought it was necessary to go into that building then he would have went regardless. It's not your fault."

But it was. No matter what anyone else believed it was his fault. He was captain of the team, he was in charge, he gave the orders. Regardless of what will happen from now on this is all on him. If Tony dies in here, or never wakes up, it's his fault. If Tony does wake up there is a very real chance he'll be paralyzed or too injured to function the way he used to, that would be because of the decisions he made in the field. If Tony wakes up and makes a full recovery and everything goes back to normal, then Steve will thank whatever god or angle out there gave him that second chance and he will do better. Something like this will never happen again.

"Come on." Bucky whispered. He reached out slowly and took Steve's hands in his. "It's late."

A quick glance at the clock confirmed it. Half past eleven at night. Thor will be here as soon as visiting hours started at nine in the morning, the rest of the team will stop by at different times throughout the day. That's usually how it had gone for the past week.

Steve let himself be dragged over to the couch, Bucky laid down first and then Steve curled up on top of him. His head fit perfectly just under Bucky's chin and when those large arms curled around him he felt so warm and safe that he started to consider that maybe, just maybe, things might be okay. That everyone could be right and Tony could pull through.

Bucky ran a hand lightly through Steve's hair, humming the same song Steve had hummed earlier. It still felt familiar, like a memory thinly buried inside his head. It wasn't important. He could fell the steady beating of Bucky's heart, hear the slow beeping of Tony's heart monitor, and was content with the knowledge that they were both, at the moment, alive.

His eyes were growing heavy. The past week of too little sleep was quickly catching up with him now that he was in the familiar comfort of Bucky's arms. He could worry more in the morning.

When he opened his eyes again he knew something was different, wrong almost. Bucky was still breathing calmly under him, Tony's heart monitor was still beeping, but it seemed like something had changed. Bucky's arms weren't around him anymore but hanging limply at his sides. Steve glanced up to look at him, his head was dangling off the edge of the couch with his mouth open and his eyes were closed and slightly scrunched up. Steve smiled, Bucky looked like a dork when he slept. He glanced over to Tony, freezing completely when he saw the figure standing over him.

"Wanda?" Steve whispered. He was careful to pull himself off of Bucky, not wanting to wake him, and walked over to the bed. "What are you doing?"

She raised a finger to her lips but didn't look up. She stared intently at Tony. It made him uncomfortable. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, she had helped them save the world. It was just that he was well aware of the hostility she and her brother had for Stark. Wanda hadn't come to visit him yet so she was here for a reason.

"Maximoff?" Steve said slowly.

Wanda shushed him again, this time a bit louder. "He's dreaming." She said quietly.

Steve relaxed and looked down at Tony. He looked the same as he had been the past week. He was pale, had a relaxed expression that almost made the lines of his face disappear, his mouth was slightly open with a tube sticking out of it, and his dark hair stuck up in an unstyled mess. The only difference today was that there were now several thick, soft straps holding him down to stop him from moving too much in case of another seizure.

"What's he dreaming about?" Steve asked. If Tony was dreaming then that meant he was still in there. He was still alive and able to come back. There was hope.

"He's really small and an older man is singing to him while he cries." She said simply. "I think he's scared."

"Is he alright?" Steve said. He looked down at Tony, who looked so small and so fragile that Steve was suddenly afraid to even touch him. "Is he going to wake up?"

Wanda hummed softly. "Maybe."

That wasn't the answer Steve wanted. He wanted a definitive 'yes' that Tony was alright and that he was going to wake up soon. She was the Scarlet Witch, she knew these things. If anyone could tell him that Tony would wake up and be alright it was her.

He frowned as he looked back at her. "Why are you here?" He said quickly. "You don't like Tony."

"No. I don't." Wanda said, shrugging. "He built the very weapon that killed my family and terrified my brother and I for days. There is no forgiving that."

Steve didn't do anything. Wanda wasn't acting threateningly, she had showed no interest in hurting Stark in the past few weeks, and she was their teammate. Worst case scenario, she tried to kill Stark while he was down and maybe he could fight her off.

"I'm not here to hurt him." Wanda said, glancing up to him with a small smile. "I haven't forgiven him for making those weapons, but I do understand he's trying to change. Be better man or something."

"Yes, he's a good man. I didn't know him before he became Iron Man, but I'm sure he put all that behind him and is trying to make amends." Steve said. Wanda's small smile grew slightly as she nodded. "Now, why are you here?"

She shrugged again. "Something's changing." She said. "I'm not sure what."

Steve paused, glancing down at Tony and then back at Bucky. They were both still asleep. "Is it a good change or a bad change?" He asked slowly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

With a shake of her head she started backing away towards the door. "I guess we'll have to find out." She said as she turned and left.

That made no sense. How was he supposed to know how much he should worry if she didn't specify what was changing and if it was for the better? Sometimes his teammates didn't tell him things, but he really wished they would share the important bits of information.

He didn't feel tired anymore. A few hours of sleep should be enough. He'll just tell Bucky he slept and then woke up before he did. It wasn't technically a lie and it'll stop him from worrying. Also, he didn't want to risk waking him up by crawling back onto him. Bucky needed sleep more than he did. He was looking exhausted.

Steve sat down in the vacant seat between Tony's bed and the door. He had been sitting in that uncomfortable plastic chair for a whole week and it never did get any more comfortable, but he got to stay close to Tony, waiting for change.

Hopefully it came soon. Wanda said something was changing. Maybe that meant Tony was getting ready to wake up. Steve could hope, but Tony still looked trapped in a deep sleep. His long lashes didn't flutter against his cheek like they usually did when Steve found him napping in his lab. His cheeks were too pale, not flushed pink like they were when Tony stumbled into the kitchen in the mornings, half asleep and not entirely aware of anything. His breathing was mechanical, the ventilator next to the bed keeping it steady and rhythmic. Usually when Tony slept his breathes were long and deep, characterized by faint, nasally snores.

Steve reached out slowly, his fingertips barely brushing against Tony's bruised cheekbone as if he were made of paper and the slightest bit of pressure would rip him in half. He started humming again. The song was so familiar it was starting to bother him now. It was an important song, something he was sure he had heard dozens of times.

"I see the moon and the moon sees me." He sung softly. That was it. Suddenly the memory was back. His mother used to sing it to him when he was young and was too sick to get up out of bed. It was one of his favorite lullabies, he couldn't believe he had forgotten it.

"Shining through the leaves of the old oak tree. Oh, let the light that shines on me…" Steve sung softly. His hand dropped from Tony's face and went to hold his hand. If Tony really was dreaming of someone singing to him while he was young and afraid then maybe this song will sneak into his dream and make him feel better, just like it always did when his mother sang it to him. "shine on the one I love."

He was about to sing the next verse, all the lyrics very clear in his head, when he heard Bucky move over on the couch. Steve glanced over and automatically froze when he saw Bucky. He looked panicked, uncomfortable, hurt. Perhaps Bucky had a nightmare, they weren't uncommon.

"Buck, are you alright?" Steve asked as he stood and took a step around the bed and in his direction.

Bucky jumped up from the couch and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He said quickly. Steve took another step towards him and Bucky took an identical step back. Steve stopped. Bucky didn't want him to come close. Something was wrong, very wrong. Steve could feel his heart start to pick up. "It's just… It's my turn to make breakfast at the tower. Those idiots can barely crack an egg so if they're going to eat right I have to get back."

"You're going back to the tower?" Steve asked slowly. Bucky nodded. "I thought you wanted to stay."

"Yeah, and I did. It was great but hospitals are rather boring." Bucky said. His voice was a bit too quick, too strained to put Steve at ease. "I'll see you back at the tower."

Bucky started walking then, quickly trying to make his escape and rushing towards the door. Steve stepped forward to stop him. Something was very wrong. Bucky was distressed and Steve couldn't let him leave without figuring out what triggered it. He had to make sure Bucky was alright.

"Buck, baby, what's wrong?" Steve asked softly, reaching out to lay his hands on Bucky's shoulders.

"Nothing." He said sharply. "I just have to get back."

"It's the middle of the night." Steve said. Bucky shrugged, causing Steve's hands to fall from his shoulders. "Do you want me to go back with you?"

"No!" Buck said quickly, shaking his head. "You stay here with Tony. You have to be here. He needs you more than I do."

"What are you talking about?" Steve said quickly. Nothing was making any sense today. "You're the most important thing in the world to me."

Bucky shook his head and glanced over to Tony. "You love him. That's alright." He said softly. Steve jerked back as if he had been slapped. "Don't worry. I understand. He's quite the catch, might have been falling for him a bit myself. I never would have done anything though, but you need him. He needs you. I'll be alright."

With that he went for the door and left. Steve stood completely still, his feet stuck in place. He didn't know what he should do, should he run after Bucky and make sure he's alright and dispel Bucky's fears, that he loved him more than anything, more than Tony, or stay in case something happened. It was true. He did love Tony, a seed of affection had been planted somewhere deep inside since the man had opened up his home and all of his resources for him and the team, but Tony was his friend, one of his best friends, so of course Steve felt love for him. That was before Bucky had come back. Bucky had been the one who stuck by him no matter what, life threatening illness or world wars. He loved Bucky first and always.

He took an aborted step towards the door, yelling Bucky's name. He was captain of the team, they were his responsibility. Tony was badly injured, he had had a seizure just a few hours ago. Steve couldn't just abandon him, leave him to wake up or die alone. But Bucky was his lover, his oldest friend. How could he be expected to just stand by when he was obviously hurt and panicked over something?

He was halfway out the door when he looked back to check on Tony, struggling to find an answer, a decision. Steve stopped when he saw Tony, his hazed, droopy, but open brown eyes were staring back at him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Bucky. It's me again. I hope you'll pick up sometime, or call back." Steve said, his cell phone pressed to his ear as he paced around the hallway. He had a clear view into Tony's room, where several Doctors and Bruce were fussing over him. "Tony's awake. I know I told you about twenty times in the past few days in the fifty other messages I've left you but he's been waking up more. He hasn't said anything yet, hardly moves, but he's been wiggling his toes and scrunching up his nose when people talk to him. No one knows what it means but some of his doctors think he might need a speech therapist."

He looked back into the room. He could see Tony, awake but looking exhausted and about ready to fall back to sleep. Bruce was talking to him, his hand laid gently over Tony's as he said soft words Steve couldn't make out. Tony looked uncomfortable, his eyes unfocused but his brows furrowed down in either agitation or confusion. Many of the doctors standing over him were scribbling quickly on clipboards, Steve was going to hope that meant something positive.

"I miss you, love. I need you. I can't do this all by myself." Steve whispered into the phone. He looked away from Tony's room and stared out a window on the opposite end of the hall. "I don't know why you would think I would ever leave you because that's never gonna happen, Barnes. I will always love you and to quote you, using that saying you've gotten really annoyed with, I'm with you 'til the end of the line."

He glanced back to Tony, who was blinking wildly as a doctor shone a light in his eyes. From what he understood that was fantastic, he was responding to outside stimuli. Bruce had talked about that often, about how his physical or vocal responses to stimuli, although it was unlikely he would be able to speak properly or clearly just after waking up from a coma and traumatic brain injury, can mean improvement. It was certainly better than the first few times he woke up where he stared blankly at a wall.

"I have to do this. I have to take care of him. I did this to him, he's my responsibility." Steve whispered into the phone. He wished Bucky was here, more than anything. Bucky had always been his main area of support, someone he could always trust no matter what. "You may not remember, but when we were younger you were so enthusiastic about taking care of me that it got annoying sometimes. I mean, you knew my limits and never once crossed them, but you also didn't treat me like glass and I adore that about you. But the moment I got the sniffles you forced me into bed and waited on me hand and foot. I hope you understand, this is not about me not loving you and loving Tony more. This is about me taking care of a member of this team who I have hurt. I will always love you and I will be in a relationship with you for as long as you want me, but I also have to do this and I was hoping you would be willing to do it with me."

The doctors started leaving Tony's room one by one, all of them muttering to themselves quietly. Bruce stayed, taking a seat in the couch that was pushed into the corner. "Please come back. I love you."

He hung up and stood there for a moment, taking a few deep and calm breaths. Once he felt ready he walked back into Tony's room. Bruce smiled at him as he entered, Tony was already asleep.

Steve took his spot in the empty, uncomfortable plastic chair by Tony's bed and reached out to hold his hand. So far Tony has shown little movement in his fingers, but he did flick his wrist the last time Steve put his hand over his. The doctors were thrilled by that, it meant there wasn't complete damage to his spine and that recovery was likely. No one wanted to say anything for sure about how serious it is until later, but they were hopeful.

"How'd he do?" Steve asked softly. He didn't look over to Bruce but he could see the man shift slightly in the corner of his eye.

"He did really well, all things considered." Bruce said. Steve looked over and frowned. "He did have a serious head injury, he's more responsive than you would expect after only being awake for three days. It's a good sign."

Steve nodded, smiling slightly. This was good news. He had fully expected Tony to die, hopeful that he wouldn't but was still ready for it. It was still worrying though. Tony was usually loud and brash, with his horrible jokes and seemingly careless attitude. To see him stare blankly into space without so much as a mumble is terrifying.

"They're going to start getting together a team for him, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, social workers, really anything he might need. And you've already volunteered to be his main caretaker when they let him come home, which isn't really necessary." Bruce said quickly. "We could hire a nurse. Pepper's already looking into some great ones. She said she'll interview them all herself as soon as she gets back to New York."

"I know. I trust you guys have his best interests in mind, but this is just something I have to do." Steve said. His voice was soft, had no force in his words and he lacked a commanding presence. It was an unusual thing for him, the leader of one of the best strike forces on the planet, but right now he needed to be quiet and considerate because this wasn't about him, this was all about the man sleeping soundly right in front of him. "What did the doctors say?"

"They say he's showing improvement, is displaying signs of localized responsiveness. Which means he can follow objects with his eyes, he looks to people he recognizes when they speak, and he even grunted at one of the doctors when they touched his foot. They're going to start putting him into therapy as soon as they can." Bruce said. The enthusiastic tone in his voice made it seem like it was wonderful news. "They took him off the ventilator and he's breathing just fine on his own. They think with a little help he might start talking again soon. They're gonna see if he can eat on his own soon. The doctors are hopeful that in a few months he may be able to function on his own again."

Steve sighed, that was definitely good news. Everyone kept talking about how likely it was that Tony wouldn't recover fully, wouldn't be the same, but will recover enough to be self-sufficient again. It was strange, to look at this frail, sleeping man who can barely wiggle his toes and flick his wrist, can say nothing more than an occasional hum or grunt, and think of him as being able to be okay one day. He hoped that day did come, because to see Tony smiling and walking around his tower again would make him the happiest man in the world.

The three of them sat there in silence for a long time. Steve just looked at Tony, memorizing his face. He was beautiful, his lashes resting on the tops of his cheeks as he slept, his dark hair had become an unruly mess, the pink flush in his face was back, and his light, nasally snore was there as well. Steve felt so much love and affection well inside his chest that he felt about ready to burst open. But those feeling also brought on a layer of guilt, because the one he was truly devoted to was afraid that he would leave him for Tony, which didn't make sense because Tony was his friend, one of his closest and he wouldn't dream of leaving Bucky for anyone or anything, let alone one of his few close friends.

He looked up as Clint entered. It was within visiting hours, Bruce would be here all day until it visiting hours stopped and then he would be back again tomorrow. Steve trusted him to be back all day every day until Tony was released to come home. Thor had already been by. He had cheered loudly when Bruce told him about Tony's slow recovery and the noise had jerked Tony awake. It had been a catastrophe, Tony had panicked and slunk away from everyone, cried out unintelligible syllables and looked around the room in confusion and fear. It had taken them a while to calm him down, Thor not allowing anyone to sedate him, and as soon as he had relaxed again he fell right back to sleep. Thor promised to be quieter in future visits. Natasha would probably stop by later, she never woke Tony up.

Clint waved a large card around in his hand and smiled at everyone. Clint often made appearances throughout the day, often with several letters of encouragement from their fans and supporters. He handed the card off to Steve. It was almost a foot tall and covered in children's signatures and drawings.

"Some children's hospital in Indianapolis mailed this in." Clint whispered. "They send Tony their best wishes. We have a couple dozen other cards and letters back at the tower but I thought you guys might like this one here."

Steve nodded. "Thank you."

It was a beautiful card, a nice sentiment to show that although Tony might not be out saving the world or building revolutionary technologies the people still stood with him and supported him. Very little about his condition has been made public, but it has been almost two weeks since the incident and there had been several press conferences. The public knew that Tony had been seriously injured in battle, that he probably be incapable of suiting up and joining them in the field again for at least a year, possibly more and possibly never again, and the public knew that he was in bad shape. They didn't know which hospital he was in, the nature of his injuries, or how seriously those injuries had affected him.

"How are you holding up?" Clint asked, crouching down next to Steve's chair.

"Much better now that he's awake. I'm going to be getting some training on how to properly take care of him once he's out of the tower tomorrow." Steve said. "They think that by then he'll be able to talk and walk a bit. They're not sure about his hands though. He can move them a bit but he hasn't moved his fingers yet."

Clint nodded slowly, a deep frown settling in his features. "That's good news. We miss him around the tower." He said softly. "But how are you doing? Are you eating? Sleeping? You look like shit, Cap."

Steve chuckled. "I'm eating. They have a great vending machine across the hall. And believe it or not that couch is actually really comfortable."

Clint nodded again. He looked over to Tony and stood up. His footsteps were completely silent as he walked up to the bed and leaned down to press a gentle, chaste kiss to his forehead. Then he turned around and quickly walked towards the door.

"Take care of yourself, Steve. We want both of you back alright." He said before leaving.

Steve watched him leave before turning to look at Bruce, who was staring into his tablet and refusing to acknowledge anyone had come and gone. Steve simply shrugged and turned his attention back to Tony.

Clint's appearance hadn't woken him up at all, which was good. The last thing he needed was to have to calm Tony down by reminding him that he's safe, that he was in the hospital, and that everything was fine. Tony needed rest, a lot of it if he was going to be okay.

One visible change that Steve could see from Tony in a coma to Tony just sleeping was that when Tony was in a coma his body was completely still. Now that Tony was just sleeping he twitched every so often. His legs would shift position, his nose would wrinkle randomly as he dreamed, and if it wasn't for the neck brace that was immobilizing his head Steve was certain he would be moving that around too. These small movements were an indication of life that hadn't been there before Tony had woken up and he hadn't noticed back when he was silently watching Tony from afar before the injury happened. Now that he was up close and had this new respect for the beauty and frailty of Tony's life he was seeing much more.

Steve had no idea how long he was sitting there watching Tony but next time he looked around Bruce was gone from the couch and Bucky stood in the doorway, a large stack of papers in his hand. Steve stood quickly but didn't go to him.

"Buck." Steve whispered softly. "You came back."

Bucky nodded. "Yeah. I got your messages and you seemed really lost without me." He walked around Steve and towards the couch in the corner, gesturing to the stack of papers in his hand. "I printed you some flyers, pamphlets, and information packets about Traumatic Brain Injuries, Spinal Cord Injuries, what the symptoms are, what recovery is like, and what you have to do to take care of survivors."

"Oh, thank you." Steve said. He still stood completely still, shocked and confused. "Did you read them?"

"Yes. All of them." Bucky said calmly. He was making a conscious effort to avoid looking at Steve, he could tell. It was troubling and heartbreaking but Steve just wanted Bucky to look up at him with the same love he always has and then have everything be alright again.

Steve took a step towards him. "Thank you for coming back." He said slowly. "It means so much to me."

"You asked me to." Bucky said. He placed the stack of papers on his lap and started swirling hid fingers over the printed text on top of them. "And the spies I'm sending in are telling me you're not eating or sleeping."

"You know I would never leave you, right?" Steve said. He took a few more steps towards Bucky. "Not even for Tony. I'm happy with you. I love you. I want you to stay with me."

Bucky paused. He didn't look up but he stopped tracing the papers. His forehead formed several deep wrinkles as Bucky scrunched up his face in thought. It was several long and quiet minutes before he spoke again, Steve waiting patiently the whole time.

"Alright." Bucky said finally. "I'll stay with you, for as long as you're happy with me. If you ever fall for someone else and you want to go to them, just tell me and I'll let you be with them and be happy."

Steve rushed forward and dropped to his knees in front of him. He took Bucky's face in his hands and peppered it with kisses. Bucky didn't pull away, just let his eyes fall closed as he met Steve's lips with his own.

"Thank you, doll." Steve whispered to him. He pulled back and wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck. "And if I recall, you said you had a thing for Stark too."

He chuckled softly as Bucky scoffed and shook his head. "You can't prove nothing, Rogers. He's one of my dearest friends, of course I'm into him, but in like a friendship way. You actually have a big ole crush."

"Friendship way, right." Steve said, nodding slowly. "It doesn't matter now. Tony needs us to take care of him while he heals, nothing more."

"I can do that." Bucky said. "I certainly can't leave you to take care of him by yourself, you'd starve to death."

Steve nodded and dropped his head so his face was buried into Bucky's chest, a warm hand coming up to pet at his hair. This was good, this was where he was supposed to be. With Bucky, safe and calm and loving. This will make whatever struggles were up ahead worth it. This wasn't fixed, they still had a lot to talk about. Whatever insecurities made Bucky run away in the first place were still there and Steve would have to smooth them away and reaffirm his love.

"You were gone for three days. I wanted to come after you but… I did this to him, I have to help him." Steve said slowly. He trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. Bucky would understand. Tony needed him. "Please, don't ever leave me like that again."

"Never, love. I'm here to help you, to help him. You two are my best friends in the whole world, I can't leave you guys when you both need it most. Tony fixes my arm when it jams up with no questions asked and you have a nice ass. I'm staying no matter what." Bucky said. He placed a soft kiss to the top of Steve head. "It's going to be hard, he's not going to be okay for a long time. He needs help. I know you have to help him, so I'm going to help both of you."

Steve nodded, squeezing his eyes shut to cherish the moment. Bucky had come back to him. Whatever was going to happen now would be easier because he had Bucky, who understood and loved him. Things were going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

"Where?" Tony asked softly, glancing at Steve.

Steve looked up from his sketchbook and smiled. "You're in the hospital, Tony. You were hurt on a mission. Bucky's here too." He said, using his pencil to point at Bucky, who was sitting next to Tony's bed.

"Oh." Tony said. His gaze drifted back to the window, his eyes wide as if he were seeing it for the first time.

Tony asked that often, his words always a bit slurred and his vocalizations were usually still incoherent mumblings, but he was still talking and that was amazing. Almost every other hour for the past week he seemed to forget where he was or what had happened and he would look to Steve for the answers. It was trust, Tony was confused and lost and had no idea what was going on but he accepted anything Steve would tell him. He may not be aware that he was doing it but it seemed like such a vulnerable thing for him that Steve could never tell him anything but the truth.

Steve returned to his drawing. It was just a quick sketch of the scene in front of him. Bucky held one of Tony's hands in his own as he gently trailed one of his metal fingers over his hand, almost as if he was trying to will the movement back into them. Bucky did this almost every day after lunch, mindful of the importance Tony's set schedule was, and let his fingers gradually run over Tony's hands, hardly even touching at all. He would continue to rub his hands until either Tony pulled away or it was time for his next session of therapy.

"What's he doing today?" Bucky asked.

"Balance. He's already walking a bit, but they need to work more on keeping him upright for longer." Steve said, not looking up from his sketchbook. He was trying to get the details just right, the way their hands were intertwined and the gentle touch of Bucky's finger running over Tony's, he had no idea how to get that down on paper but without it visually represented the drawing was missing something. "After that he's going in for another MRI. This will be the tenth one, or something. I guess with super rich Tony Stark being the patient they want to be as thorough as possible."

"Did they say when we get to bring him home yet?" Bucky said.

"As soon as they're sure he can be out from under constant medical surveillance without accidentally hurting himself." Steve said. He glanced back up at the two of them. Tony had turned his attention from the window to Bucky, blinking at him slowly as the man continued to trace gentle patterns into the skin of his fingers. Bucky was smiling up at him in a way that made Steve's heart skip a beat. It was the way Bucky used to smile at people long before the war and HYDRA and the whole world had fallen apart around them. Steve never thought he would see that look again.

Bucky hummed in agreement. "That makes sense. We wouldn't want him to accidently hurt himself and cause permanent damage." He said slowly. "He's still healing, we have to be careful with him."

Steve held his tongue, not wanting to add the 'no more permanent damage than what he already had' comment that was sitting at the front of his mind. There was no guarantee that any of this was permanent, head injuries were tricky things. The first few months were always hard as the brain tried to bounce back from what had happened, patients had to relearn a lot of what was once second nature, such as eating, walking, or even dressing themselves. There was a chance that around this time next year everything would have gone completely back to the way things used to be, and there was also the possibility that his recovery would stop here. This might not all be permanent but regardless of what will happen Steve will be here to help take care of him.

The knock at the door drew his attention. One of Tony's many doctors walked in, a small smile on his face. He walked right in, without even acknowledging Tony, and came right up to Steve. Pepper was out of town and since Steve was in charge he was responsible for overseeing all of Tony's medical needs. It was the same with the rest of the team if they couldn't get ahold of anyone else.

"I've got good news." The doctor said as he stopped in front of Steve. "We just got back the results from his most recent round of testing. The swelling on his spine has gone down and the damage isn't as extensive as we original thought. Some nerve damage but nothing that will cause complete paralysis. He's already gaining some movement back in his hands and with a bit more work his fingers will probably go back to normal as well."

Steve could practically feel the weight disappearing off of his shoulders. If Tony wasn't going to be able to use his fingers again then it would destroy him. Tony's life revolved around building and inventing and if he couldn't do that anymore then Steve was worried about what that would do to him. It was fine for now, where Tony was too unfocused and confused to really understand what was happening to him, but one day Tony would have healed enough to realize what's going on and that things aren't what they used to be. It was a relief to know that when that day came Tony was likely to still be able to do what he loved.

"It also means he may be able to take off the neck brace sooner than expected and then we can release him." The doctor said as he glanced at Tony, who was now smiling back at Bucky. "I'm sure being home with his friends will do him good."

"The team will love to have him back. The sooner we can bring him home the better." Steve said. "When do you think that will be?"

"We'll want to see how delicate his spine is first, but if everything comes back okay it shouldn't be more than a few days." The doctor said. "But when you do take him home you'll have to make sure he's careful. He's in a very delicate place right now, we wouldn't want him to take another hit like that."

Steve shook his head. "You're right. He's off the field for the foreseeable future. He's gonna be safe."

The doctor left and Steve went back to his sketching. Now that Bucky and Tony were just smiling at each other with bright, carefree eyes as if there was nothing wrong with the world as long as they continued to smile at each other. Bucky's fingers still gently traced the lines of Tony's palm and all of a sudden the scene seemed far too intimate and Steve felt like an unwelcome observer.

"No." Tony said forcefully as he pulled his hands away from Bucky and just like that the moment was gone.

Bucky pulled back instantly, putting a small but significant space between them. Tony's breathing picked up, his eyes darting around every corner of the room. He probably forgot again. It wasn't uncommon, his memory was another thing affected by the injury and sometimes he seemed to forget about Bucky and Steve entirely. Steve could understand how terrifying that must be for him. Tony was waking up in a place he doesn't recognize with people he didn't know, Steve could sympathize. It usually didn't last though, for a few hours Tony would be confused, sometimes even a bit aggressive and swing his left arm that was secure in a cast at anyone who came too close too fast, but after a while he would calm down and let his mind wander off again.

So when this happened they just had to wait. Bucky pulled away, scooted his chair back far enough to give Tony the space needed to help him feel comfortable, and then just watched. Steve's sketchbook lay forgotten on his lap as he watched Tony carefully. If he was feeling threatened then he might do something risky, his job was to keep Tony alive.

Tony was rambling quietly, incoherent nonsense muttered just loud enough for his enhanced hearing to pick up. They weren't recognizable words, but they probably had some meaning in Tony's mind. He was probably terrified and Steve was going to make sure there would be nothing for him to fear, nothing was going to hurt him as long as Steve was here.

Tony was sitting straight up in bed, his intense gaze passing over Steve slowly before he went back to scanning the rest of the room. Steve had to remind himself that this was good, Tony was conscious of his surroundings, it was improvement. It still didn't make it easier to see Tony so afraid of him.

"What?" Tony asked softly.

"You were hurt on a mission, you're in the hospital." Steve said as calmly as he could. "You're safe, no one is going to hurt you. We're your friends."

That just seemed to confuse Tony more, his eyes narrowed as he looked between him and Bucky. Then his whole body seemed to relax and a soft smile returned to his face.

"Oh." He said. Then he nodded and laid back down.

Just like that, the situation defused. Tony went back to staring blankly at the window, but pulled away with an annoyed grumble when Bucky reached for his hand again. Steve picked up his sketchbook again. The scene was gone but he could rely on his memory to finish it. Perhaps when it's done he could show it to Tony, show him those soft smiles and gentle touches and maybe that would help him feel more at ease.

He carefully traced the lines of Bucky's face, trying to get the expression just right. There had been a softness to his eyes, a warmth to his smile, and he had looked at Tony so damn fondly it had been the most beautiful thing Steve had seen in months. And Tony had smiled back at him, acknowledged him with recognition and trust.

Steve didn't realize he was humming, that silly nursery rhyme his mother had sang to him that he had become preoccupied with. He didn't know why he was starting to remember it now, but he was glad he remembered it. He loved the song.

"I think I remember that." Bucky said slowly.

"Hmm?" Steve hummed, glancing up to see Bucky smiling softly at him.

"You told me about that time when you didn't get sick, but I did and you took care of me. I think I remember a bit of that. You were singing that song." Bucky said, his eyes looked a bit distant as if he was seeing the memory before his own eyes. "You didn't eat much back then either. We should get lunch soon."

"Alright, Bucky, but you're buying." Steve said, grinning back at him. "But can we at least wait until Bruce shows up? I don't want to leave him alone."

Bucky shrugged. "Or I could run down to the cafeteria and get us something. Then we could eat here." He said, standing up.

"That's a great idea. You know what I like." Steve said, looking back down at his drawing.

"Oh, you're damn right I know what you like." Bucky said. Steve chuckled softly as Bucky stopped at the door. "Is there anything particular you want? It can be anything and you know I'll get it for you."

Steve frowned, this wasn't the happy and calm Bucky who had been smiling at Tony just a few minutes ago. This was a Bucky who looked sad and almost desperate. Something was going on with him and he had no idea how to fix it.

"I'll love whatever you get me, Buck." Steve said. Bucky nodded, his smile was back although it was a bit forced, and left.

He went back to drawing, trying to keep his mind occupied. He had no idea how to fix any of this. It was almost as if the world was working against him. It felt like he was slowly losing Bucky, Tony's life was hanging on a thread, and Steve had no idea how he was supposed to help either of them.

He had to find a way to reassure Bucky that no matter what he would never leave him, that he loved him with all of his heart. Yet he still had to be here for Tony, he wouldn't abandon the man after putting him in this situation. He could have both, there had to be a way for him to have Bucky and still take care of Tony like he has to. He has responsibilities that were clashing and it devastated him.

Tony's heart monitor was picking up again, a slow and methodical beeping quickly turned into a loud and overwhelming wailing. Steve was up and by his side almost instantly, the nurses entering the room just as Tony's body started to stiffen and jerk. It was happening again, it shouldn't be happening again. Steve didn't understand it, but this was Tony's second seizure in just a few weeks. It wasn't good.

The nurses pulled Steve back and out of the way as they tried to help Tony. Steve turned away and dropped his head into his hands. This was his fault. This was all his fault, he made the wrong call and now Tony was suffering because of it. He could hear them behind him, Tony's shaking was rattling his hospital bed, the nurses were shouting words that Steve didn't listen to, and the continuous roar of the heart monitor.

Then it was quiet again. He turned around quickly and everything seemed to be fine. The nurses were still standing around him silently and Tony didn't seem distressed anymore. He was just lying in his bed, completely relaxed and blinking hazily. Steve found himself back at his side, the nurses all retreating from the room as they went to find one of his doctors. He fell to his knees, tears in his eyes as he slowly reached up to stroke Tony's sweaty hair from his forehead.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you." Steve whispered to him. Tony's glazed eyes turned to him and he gave Steve such small and tender smile that he could almost feel his heart breaking at the sight. "You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be just fine, you'll see."

"'eve." Tony mumbled before yawning softly. The tears started running down his cheeks at the sound of Tony barely able to whisper out his name. Tony was looking around the room slowly, his eyes not able to focus on anything. "Where?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Right." The doctor said. "So you call us if you have any complications with his medication and you've already signed on for his physical therapy to take place in your home, they'll be there almost every day. Be sure to keep him on a set schedule, it'll ease along his recovery and help him feel more secure in his environment. Any questions?"

Steve shook his head and took the clipboard the doctor handed to him. It was his release forms, Tony was finally coming home. He had already given the whole team the same speech, they shouldn't overwhelm him, shouldn't be too loud, and shouldn't crowd him. Tony usually enjoyed flashy parties, he always seemed to thrive when the center of attention, but now was the time for a calm and easy homecoming. They could do all the big stuff when he's better.

He smiled as he handed all the signed paperwork back to her. A nurse had brought in a wheelchair and Bucky was slowly helping Tony into it. He was standing on his own, he could even walk for a bit, and here he was getting into the chair by himself after the nurse instructed him to do so with Bucky's hands hovering around him in case he lost his balance.

"Hey, Stark." Steve said fondly. "Ready to head home?"

"Yes." Tony said, smiling widely. "Home."

He was relatively alert today, he didn't lose focus as much and he seemed to understand at least part of what was going on. He didn't seem aggravated or frightened by anything, it was a good day and hopefully there would be many more to come.

Clint was waiting outside the hospital with his car, ready to drive all of them home. He was excited, bouncing on his heels like a toddler with a balloon and a large teddy bear with a heart that said 'Bear With Me' shoved into the backseat of his car. He ran up to them as soon as he saw them come out of the entrance, shook hands with the nurse, and took the wheelchair from her before anyone had the time to stop him.

"It's good to have you back, Tones. We've been going crazy back at the tower without you. Natasha broke about three televisions and Thor cried once." Clint said as he slowly pushed Tony's wheelchair towards his car. "Rhodes came back from wherever he has been last night and is thrilled you're coming home. Pepper is coming back to New York soon and is probably going to yell at you. Natasha has decided she's going to make all of your meals in the foreseeable future because she has this weird thing where food equals caring for her but she'll deny it if you bring it up. We're all here for you buddy."

The more Clint spoke the wider Tony's smile became. Steve was relieved. Tony recognized, or at least was relaxed around, their friends. Perhaps a complete change of environment, shifting from the sterile hospital to their home at the tower that was filled with memories, wouldn't be as difficult as he originally feared. This could work. Things may not go back to the way they were anytime soon, and he was preparing himself for the possibility that things will be different forever, but at least things wouldn't be too hard on any of them.

Steve stepped in to help Tony stand up and support him as he took the last few steps to Clint's car, the door open and ready for him. He climbed in and immediately scooted into the middle of the seat so he was pressing up against the large teddy bear, his hand lifting up to rub over its fur. Steve sat down next to him and Bucky took the passenger seat.

"I got the balloon. It has an elephant on it. The bear was Natasha's idea. She thought it was hilarious and I told her she could give it to you once we got back, but she thought you should have it as soon as possible." Clint said.

Tony hummed and then glanced over to Steve. "Where?" He asked softly.

"Natasha ran to the pharmacy to pick up your perscriptions." Clint said.

The tower was in view now, close enough to see the details like the giant 'A' on the side, the thousands of shining windows, and the very prominent landing pad handing off the side of the building. Tony didn't so much as glance at it.

He looked back at Steve, a small frown crossing his face. Steve leaned over. "We're in Clint's car." He whispered. "You're coming home from the hospital. You were hurt on a mission."

Tony nodded. He finally looked over to the tower just as Clint started slowing down to pull into the parking garage. Recognition was in his eyes as he smiled at it and reached over to lay his palm on Steve's arm.

The Avengers had a private section of an underground parking garage just below the tower. It had its own special gate that only opened if one of the team's personal vehicles pulled up to it, the rest of the garage belonged to the tower's employees. Thor and Bruce were waiting for them by the elevator, a folded up wheelchair in Thor's hands.

"Hey!" Tony called out, pushing the door open quickly. "'m home!"

"And you have been greatly missed." Thor said, a greeting them all with a broad smile.

Tony paused, his eyes growing slightly distant before he nodded to himself. "I know." He said slowly.

He waved away the wheelchair but let Bucky put gentle hands on his elbows to help him walk to the elevator. Thor followed behind eagerly and started to listen intently as Tony began to hum to himself. Clint rushed to get on the elevator as well, the bear and balloon in his hands, before the door closed and they went up towards the living areas. Steve watched them go with a smile. Tony was doing so well.

"His verbal skills have improved amazingly." Bruce said, reaching out to grab Steve's shoulder and give it a firm, reassuring squeeze.

Steve nodded, his smile quickly growing into an enthused grin. "I know, it's wonderful. He has gotten to a point where he can manage short sentences. Sometimes it takes him time to think of words or understand what someone else is saying, but he's getting better every day." He said quickly. The elevator had come back down and the two of them stepped inside. "Sometimes he makes no sense though. I was combing out his hair before we got ready to come back and he just muttered to himself that 'a party sucks without hats'. It was adorable, but he's still really confused by a lot of stuff."

"Understandable." Bruce said calmly. "He seems to be doing alright today though."

"Yeah, today is a good day." Steve said. He reached forward and pressed the button for the elevator to take them to the common floor. "I am… relieved. I was so afraid he was going to die on me."

"I have to admit, he had me worried too. I should have known better though. I doubt anything can kill that man." Bruce said, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. "How are his hands? I know that's been an issue."

Steve's smile became stiff. It was an issue, a big one. As the nerve damage around his spine slowly healed the movement had almost fully returned to his arms and wrist. He could move his hand just enough to touch things, but his fingers were still limp and still. Steve was trying to be patient though, the fine motor skills were probably more difficult anyway.

He didn't answer Bruce's question, instead the elevator door opened. It had been his first time back at the tower since the incident, he had vowed to stay with Tony at the hospital and that's exactly what he did, although his friends would stop by often to give him clean clothes and take away the dirty ones.

It wasn't exactly what he remembered it. It was almost identical, except for a few of the paintings were now hanging crooked, there were many more stains on the carpets, and the large tv in the living room wasn't the same. The smell was different too, several scents were missing but Steve figured that with three residents of the tower being gone for a while it made sense.

Tony was watching tv, curled up on the couch with the teddy bear behind his back, a blanket pulled up around him, and Bucky pressed against his side. Bucky sat at his feet and Clint sat in the chair next to him, casually flipping through the tv channels with glances to Tony every few seconds. Rhodey was there too, he looked exhausted but relieved as he leaned over the back of the couch and gently ran his hands through Tony's hair, the man apparently loving that small bits of attention.

"Where is everyone?" Steve asked as he walked out into the room.

Clint looked up and smiled. "Well, Thor decided that no homecoming is complete without cake and went to get some, Nat's still at the pharmacy, Wanda disappeared somewhere, and so did Vision because those two are weird." He said quickly. "We're all just really glad to have him back though."

"I heard he was having seizures." Rhodey said, not taking his eyes off of Tony. "Why?"

Bucky hummed slowly and shook his head. "What is it called again?" Bucky asked quickly.

"The doctor called it Post-Traumatic Epilepsy." Steve said. "The bad hit to his head messed up his brain a bit. They wanted to do an EEG, see how things were doing in there but someone," Steve paused to glare at Bucky, who shrugged dismissively. "almost punched the guy in the face for attaching electrodes to Tony's head and then pulled them off. So his doctor wants to schedule another one later."

"Not gonna happen." Bucky said.

It was a strange experience, Bucky almost always had control over himself and never, not once, had he ever threatened a civilian. He had been completely fine with the idea of an EEG but the moment they started attaching everything to Tony's head Bucky had pushed everyone away, even Steve, and ripped it off of him, barking out loud Russian phrases that Steve barely understood. Whatever his reasons, he refused to let the doctors put anything electrical on Tony's head, near it was fine so the MRIs hadn't been an issue but nothing was allowed to touch Tony's head. No matter how many times the doctors tried to explain to him that it was just so they could read his brain activity Bucky would continue to look at all of them with suspicion and disgust. They never got anywhere close to reattaching them and the EEG was cancelled.

"They put him on anticonvulsants. It's handled." Bucky said firmly. "I just don't want them doing anything to his head."

"These are trained medical professionals, Buck. They won't do anything to his head." Steve said in a calm voice. Bucky just waved him off dismissively. Steve didn't understand why Bucky was so against it, but he trust he had good reasons. "Don't worry, I'll make sure no one hurts Tony."

"If Tony needs it then he'll have one." Rhodey said firmly, his voice radiating authority. "I outrank both of you so I say Tony gets whatever the doctors thinks he needs. He has amazing insurance and it's not like he can't afford it."

Bucky didn't relax, but didn't object either. No one had anything else to add so their attention turned back to Tony, who was staring blankly at the tv. Steve doubted he was paying any attention to it, but he looked so calm and peaceful and so damn beautiful that he could look at him for the rest of his life and be perfectly happy.

He moved closer to the couch, making sure he was slow and projecting his movements in case Tony became alert and felt threatened. He didn't though, he just kept staring off into the space near the tv. His mind had checked out, it happened more often than he would like but still less frequently than those first few weeks. Lately it was never for very long, at first Tony's didn't appear to be conscious of anything going on around him, only having a few short bursts of awareness. Now it's the opposite, Tony was focused, if still confused and forgetful, with much less often and very short periods where his mind would wander off completely. Tony didn't even notice Steve sliding into the seat next to him.

Bucky slowly took one of Tony's hands, the left was still wrapped up in a cast so he held the right one in his larger hand and slowly started tracing the lines of his palm. Rhodey smiled at that. Bucky was always so gentle and caring and Steve wished he had his textbook so he could finally draw that face Bucky made when he held Tony's hands in his that held nothing but affection. The two of them were beautiful together.

Bucky froze, his movements stopping so suddenly that Steve had worried until he followed his gaze to see what had startled him. His metal finger had stopped at the base of Tony's thumb, the other digits slowly curling around it. Tony was watching it too, his gaze no longer lost and empty but confused and contemplating as he watched his fingers move slowly.

Tony hummed softly, a small smile spreading across his face as he glanced up at Steve. He never thought that Tony understood what was happening to him, he never commented or even acted like he was aware of his injuries before. He was certainly aware now because the small, barely there movements to his fingers seemed to surprise him. Steve couldn't stop himself from rushing forward and landing a soft, gentle kiss to his forehead as he reached out to cup Bucky's face.

Everything was going to be okay. They were home, Tony was getting better, and they were going to be just fine.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a good day bringing Tony home, but a very bad night. They had put Tony to bed at ten, the usually time he should go to sleep, but after half an hour Tony is still just staring up at the ceiling, blinking slowly, he finally closed his eyes and that was that. The past few weeks Bucky and Steve had shared a cramped couch pushed against the wall of Tony's hospital room, they had become used to constant beeps of his heart monitor and the steady sounds of his breathing and it was calming to hear. They gave it a shot, curled around each other in the guest bedroom right next to Tony's on his personal floor, but it was too quiet. The soundproof walls had completely blocked them from being able to hear anything going on in Tony's room.

They managed to last an hour, eyes squeezed shut, Steve's arm thrown over Bucky as they tried to force themselves to sleep. They even tried fooling around, with Bucky straddling Steve as he sucked marks into his neck and Steve's thumbs digging into Bucky's hips. It never got anywhere though. They stopped every few minutes to listen just in case any sounds Tony might be making were getting through the walls.

"You wanna…" Bucky said slowly, pulling back and dropping down at Steve's side. " go sleep on Tony's floor?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah, that'd be good." He said slowly, moving to sit up. He never would have imagined his life and relationship would turn out in a way where he was perfectly willing to sleep on the floor of Tony Stark's bedroom with his boyfriend. "Are we getting too weird about this?"

"Nah." Bucky said. He shook his head and started grabbing a few pillows as Steve rolled up the comforter to bring to Tony's room. "We just want to make sure he's okay. It's perfectly normal."

They silently gathered their things and tiptoed over to Tony's room, pausing just outside the door. Tony was probably asleep, waking him up would be a disaster. He wasn't getting enough sleep as it were and Steve didn't want to be the one to start medicating him so he would get more rest. They had given him stuff to help him sleep sometimes at the hospital and the doctors had prescribed something for it, but Steve wanted to see if Tony could sleep on his own first.

Tony was awake, which wasn't all that surprising. What they didn't expect was for Tony to be sitting up in the middle of his bed, his face buried in his hands, and his body shaking wildly. If Steve listened carefully he could just make out the soft, barely there sound of sobbing. He was the first one by Tony's side, very slowly reaching out to lay a hand on Tony's back.

"Are you alright, love?" Bucky asked softly. "Tony?"

Tony didn't answer, he just curled into himself further, practically laying his head down on the mattress as his legs stayed pinned under him and his face still pressed into his hands. He didn't react to Steve's hand on his back, gently rubbing what he hoped were soothing circles. Tony was distressed, he needed comfort. Whatever problem Tony was having he would fix.

"Tony, what's wrong?" Bucky said again, just a bit louder. Tony's head lifted slightly, his eyes wide and slightly unfocused as he glanced between Bucky and Steve slowly.

"What?" He whispered, his voice slurred.

Bucky reached forward slowly and stroked his thumb over Tony's cheekbone. "You seem upset. Do you know what's wrong?"

It was silent for a few minutes, just the hushed sound of Tony's rapid breathing filled the air. He shook his head quickly, deep wrinkles forming in his forehead as he appeared to be lost in thought. It was almost as if Tony was just as confused about what was going on as they were.

Then some determined and very sad shown in his eyes and Steve just wanted to curl around Tony protectively and stop anything from bringing that hurt back into his eyes.

"Quiet." Tony muttered. "He's not…"

Tony jerked away from Steve and Bucky quickly, his eyes wide and fearful. He stumbled as he made his way towards the edge of the bed. Steve reached out to help him, to steady him, but the moment his hands landed on Tony's shoulders the man ran away and shouted.

"Tony, it's okay." Steve said quickly, raising his hands slowly. "You're home. You were in the hospital for a while because you were injured on a mission."

Tony pressed himself against his dresser and leaned on it to hold himself up. He was shaking, his breathing far too rapid. He was panicking and Steve didn't know what to do. Bucky was standing, a few feet away from Tony. If they both crowded around him it would just make things worse. It broke his heart to have Tony looking between them in fear, occasionally glancing at the ceiling.

"I don't know." Tony whispered softly, barely loud enough to hear. "Quiet. He's not… He's gone. Gone. Gone."

He kept repeating himself, a raspy and desperate manta of gonegonegonegonegone. None of it made sense, Tony was on the verge of falling apart. None of this should be happening, they were home, Tony built this tower he shouldn't be so upset now that they're back. Everything was supposed to be okay now.

Everything clicked into place when Tony turned his terror filled eyes away from the two of them and glanced desperately up to the ceiling, it was so quick he almost missed it. Tony wasn't calmed about them being home because now home was different. His mind was telling him something should be there when it wasn't. Jarvis was gone now, he was quiet, and Tony couldn't handle it.

"Tony, sweetheart, Jarvis isn't gone." Steve said slowly. He stood up from the bed as Bucky took a single, small step forward so he was close enough to get to Tony if something happened but far enough away so he wasn't crowding him. Tony was looking back at the two of them now. "You put Jarvis in a… robot person. His name is Vision now, he's really nice."

It didn't even make sense to himself and he had been there. When Vision was, for lack of a better word, born and it was surprising and startling and if Tony didn't remember, which wouldn't surprise him, then of course not having Jarvis here would frighten him. Bucky took another step forward, close enough to touch, and Tony shouted again. This time he swiped his arm over the top of the dresser and knocked everything on top of it onto the ground with a loud crash. There had been picture frames and knickknacks that now lay in shattered heaps at their feet.

It was glass, there was glass on the floor, Tony wasn't wearing shoes, and the situation was quickly getting out of hand. Tony was confused and lost, he needed reassurance, he needed familiarity. Jarvis was probably the one thing that was always there, a constant presence in Tony's life that always offered comfort and support and now Tony's mind can't process that Jarvis isn't here anymore.

Tony took a step away from the dressed, but not towards them. He was leaning heavily on the wall as he stumbled towards the door.

"Careful, Tony. There's glass." Steve said quickly, glancing down at the ground. Tony nodded absently, but continued following the wall until he reached the door and hobbled out into the living room. Steve rushed after him while Bucky bent down to pick up the broken shards. "Tony, what are you doing?"

Tony just grumbled under his breath. He pushed himself off the wall and stumbled precariously towards the couch. Steve reached out to steady him once again, Tony was still too shaky on his feet, too unbalanced to be doing so much walking all at once. It just startled him again.

The moment his hand landed on Tony's shoulder the man jerked away, swinging his arm out towards Steve. "No!" He shouted. The movements threw off his balance and he went crashing to the floor with a soft groan. Then he simply curled up again, his soft sobs returning.

"Tony, you're safe. It's alright." Steve said softly. He didn't know if he should touch Tony again, he seemed very much against anyone touching him at the moment and Steve didn't want to cause him more panic. "Tony, please. Just tell me what to do and I'll fix it."

Tony whined softly, removing one of his arms from around his head to rub it against the hard wood flooring, his fingers sliding along limply without any strength to hold onto anything. Steve kept reminding himself that he needed to stay calm. It was just a bad night, he had read all of the pamphlets and educational websites that told him how to best care for Tony, they all had said that during his recovery he could have mood swings, become agitated easily, and fragile memory could make him angry or afraid. They said it was best to stay calm and remember that it'll get better because Tony was healing, his mind was piecing itself back together after its injury, and that can take a lot of time and be very stressful for him. Not everything was going to be as calming and reassuring as relaxed moments returning home.

Bucky came out of Tony's room with a large dustpan holding all of the bits of broken glass and promptly dumped it into the nearest trash can. He then returned to Steve's side, pressing up against him as they both sat on the floor close enough to Tony to offer comfort when he was ready for it.

"He's quiet." Tony whispered to himself. "Gone. He's gone. Gone." He slowly started repeating the word again. He sounded so hurt and afraid that Steve's heart broke. He wanted to hold Tony close and tell him it will be alright until he believed it.

"What do we do?" Bucky asked. "He won't believe us, he misses Jarvis but he's not here."

"Maybe we should find Vision." Steve said. Tony wasn't paying any attention to them anymore, it was almost as if he had completely forgotten they were there and instead propped his head up against the cast of his left arm while his right continued to rub against the floors. He was staring blankly at the large windows across the room and quietly muttering to himself. "Maybe since the voice is the same it'll help him."

"I guess, I never met Jarvis." Bucky said slowly. He hadn't come back until after the whole Ultron fiasco, hearing only small snippets of stories about Jarvis but too late to actually meet him. "And he is kinda Jarvis, right? Like a part of him, Jarvis helped make him."

Steve shrugged. He didn't know the details, none of it really made sense to him. "I guess. He's not Jarvis, but he's not… not Jarvis." He said slowly. Vision could definitely help. "I don't know where he is. Honestly, if I needed help finding someone I would usually ask Jarvis."

"I'll go ask Natasha, it's late but she won't mind and she knows everything." Bucky said, standing quickly. "I'll send her up to help you too to help until I find him."

"Thank you, Bucky." Steve said. He grabbed on to Buck's wrinkled t-shirt and pulled him down for a brisk, but loving kiss. He tried to make it as gentle and full of affection and care as he could, relaxing slightly when he felt Bucky smile against his face.

Then he pulled back and walked to the elevator. Being alone with Tony was more terrifying than it should be. All the initial panic was gone, he didn't seem afraid or angry anymore. Now he just seemed so empty and sad that Steve just wanted to curl around him all over again. He reached out slowly and laid a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder. He didn't jerk away, didn't even blink.

Steve decided to go a step further and wrap his arm under Tony's shoulders. He also didn't react to that, staring off into nothing with only soft mutterings, and everything stayed calm even as he carefully picked Tony up into his arms and settled him against his chest. Tony moved then, curling his head up underneath Steve's chin and quickly blinked fresh tears from his eyes.

"Where?" He muttered softly.

"We're home, Tony. Bucky and I are taking care of you." He said slowly. He pressed a soft kiss into Tony's hair, his hands moving up to gently rub gentle circles once again on Tony's back. "You were in the hospital for a while. You were hurt on a mission, it was my fault."

Tony paused at that. "You're fault?" He asked.

Steve nodded. "It was an accident. I made the wrong call on the mission, I sent you in to rescue hostages that weren't real. You got hurt."

"Oh." Tony said. He closed his eyes as Steve started to hum to him again, the only song he was capable of bringing to mind while trying to care for Tony. He didn't sound mad, Steve almost wished he had. Tony was allowed to be mad, Steve had almost destroyed him and his only method of making amends is to try to help nurse him back to health and he was doing such a terrible job that he didn't even know how to comfort Tony. He would be angry soon though. Tony didn't understand yet, but he will and then he'll push Steve away, disgusted and hurt because he had done this to him. That would be his punishment. He deserved to be hated.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been a long night with constant ups and downs. One moment Tony would be quiet and unresponsive and the next he would scream, knock over furniture, and break anything close to him. Natasha was exceptionally well with handling the entire situation, which Steve didn't find surprising at all. She knew when to keep her distance and when to step in. Sometimes Tony needed space and sometimes he needed to be comforted. She was amazing at picking these things up and it helped calm Tony down completely until he had finally curled up around Steve and fell asleep.

"You're good with him." Natasha said. She was sitting in a plush chair by the bedroom window, watching the sun just start to show itself over the tops of the tall buildings in the city.

Steve would have laughed if Tony hadn't been pressed up against him. Tony had had a rough night, he needed to sleep. "I'm really not that great with him. I have no idea what I'm doing." Steve whispered softly. "I don't know how to help him."

"Well, you seem to be doing something right." She said. Steve sighed and shook his head. How can he be doing anything right when on the first night Tony is home he panics for hours? "No, really, you are. Remember, we all came to visit at the hospital almost every day, but you were the one who was constantly there and helping him through the healing process. Bucky too. I can see it, he's been doing so much better and I think the fact that you guys are always there for him is helping him."

Steve didn't say anything. Tony needed help, he needed constant care and support and Steve would be willing to give him everything, but he had no idea he was actually helping. There was a very real possibility that Steve was just doing more damage than he had already done. Natasha stated that he seemed to be helping, but she didn't know everything. He could be making everything worse and not even realizing it yet.

He reached up slowly and started running his fingers through Tony's hair. It had grown out the past few months and was now a mess of dark curls, Steve wouldn't have been able to guess that not too long ago that hair had been neatly trimmed and styled. His beard was growing out too, its usual well-kept appearance had long disappeared into a small and sloppy beard with a few gaps in the hair where the skin had healed over into small scars where no hair would grow. He would need a haircut and shave soon.

Tony adjusted himself slightly, his face pressing deeper into Steve's neck and one of his arms falling off of his shoulders. He was asleep, which was good considering how horrible the night had gone. He still had a few hours before he had to start the day, Steve almost didn't want it to come. He certainly didn't want to have to wake him up again. Until nine o'clock rolled around he would stay sitting up in bed and make sure nothing woke Tony up before it was time.

A soft knock on the door drew his attention, Bucky standing there and smiling warmly at them. Vision stood just behind him. Steve put a finger to his lips, silently hoping both of them wouldn't be too loud. Bucky nodded and stepped into the room, turning to Vision slightly to whisper to him. Bucky crawled in next to Steve delicately, he didn't touch Tony until he was settled and no longer at risk of jostling him awake. Vision started floating by the windows as the sun rose steadily higher.

Within minutes Bucky had fallen asleep too, his head was resting on Steve's chest and he had an arm thrown over Tony's waste. Under the weight of the two of them, their warmth pressed up against him, he felt calmer. All the doubts still whirring in his head, but it was comforting to see the two men he cared about the most fast asleep after a long and tiring night. It was peaceful and he found himself drifting off as well.

Then the alarm clock went off, a loud shrill that woke them all with a start. Steve sat up quickly, accidently knocking Bucky off the bed and Tony rolled off of him and onto the mattress. He chuckled as Bucky's head popped up from the side of the bed and Tony whined softly as he dug the heel of his palm into his eyes.

"Good morning guys. It's nine, time to start the day." Steve mumbled as he leaned over to turn off the alarm.

"But we just went to sleep." Bucky said, his voice raspy. "It's a sin to be awake this early."

"Well, we didn't get to sleep until real late." Steve said. He stood up and stretched, smiling as Natasha whispered from her chair. Vision was still floating by the window. "Did you guys get any sleep?"

Natasha nodded. "A bit. I'll probably go take a nap later." She said calmly and gave Tony a soft smile when he rolled over to look at her. "Half the night I was cleaning up your messes and making sure my favorite boys stayed alive and healthy. I would do it again, but nap first."

She leaned over and kissed Tony's forehead, her smile widening as she saw the telltale blush that crept onto his cheeks. Tony never used to blush and had always complained about the constant bits of affection Natasha gave the team, forehead kisses, cheek pats, and gentle squeezes on the shoulder. Tony was the only one who ever mentioned it and it was always to complain, if his light blush meant what Steve though it meant then he really did like that physical affection she always offered.

"Call me if you need anything." Natasha said as she pulled away. Steve nodded. She reached over and lightly petted Bucky's hair before turning to leave.

Steve nodded and watched her leave. Bucky had crawled back onto the bed and had his face buried into Tony's shirt, humming softly as limp fingers dragged themselves through his hair and muttering softly to himself about how getting up so early was a crime against nature.

"Come on boys. It's time to get up, Tony has a big day today." Steve said. He crawled into bed slowly and reached for Bucky's head. He was always difficult to wake up and since Tony's schedule required him to be up bright and early around the same time every day they all had to put up with morning Bucky's whining and groaning. He kissed softly at the back of his neck. "You don't want Tony to miss his physical therapy, do you?"

"No." Bucky muttered.

Tony smiled at the two of them, his eyes darting down to look at Bucky with his head still pressed against Tony's shirt and then back up at Steve who was trying to coax him out of bed lovingly.

"Hungry." Tony said.

Bucky sighed loudly at that and moved to get up. He didn't say anything as he pushed Steve off of him and helped Tony stand. Steve was smiling ear to ear as he watched the two of them move slowly up and out of the bedroom. Bucky was always gentle with Tony, always caring and easy and if anyone was really helping Tony it was him.

"Will you be joining us for breakfast?" Steve asked, turning towards Vision.

Vision turned, his attention going away from the view of the city and over to Steve. "Would you like me to?" He said slowly. Steve shrugged. "Do you still wish for me to speak with Anthony?"

"Yeah. He seems calmer now, which is a miracle because Nat and I practically went all night trying to stop him from breaking things and getting hurt. Those few hours he slept must have helped him relax." Steve said, scratching the back of his neck. "I'd still be more comfortable if you did talk to him though. He misses Jarvis, doesn't understand why he's not answering. His memory isn't as great as it used to be and although it's all slowly coming back and he's getting a bit better every day, there is still so many things that he can't wrap his head around. Maybe if you'll talk to him and explain things he'll be more comfortable with the idea of not having Jarvis around anymore."

Steve was getting flustered as he spoke. There was no guarantee that this would work and there was also a chance that this would just make things worse. Now that he was thinking about it, no one knew what was going on inside Tony's head. The thought was now stuck in Steve's mind. What if everything was so much worse than how it seemed? Tony could be on the verge of panic at all times, afraid and confused because he didn't know what was happening or what they were doing to help him, and had just been trying to hide it all.

Vision reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "I will do what I can."

"Thank you." Steve whispered. "We should head out there before Tony convinces Bucky to make a hundred chocolate chip pancakes. It actually happened once. No one can eat a hundred pancakes. I made them both take them down to the local shelter." Steve was rambling, but the memory seemed so fresh in his mind. It had happened just a few months ago back when everything was normal and okay.

When they went out into the kitchen Bucky was standing at the stove with a large skillet and a few dozen egg shells on the floor and counters around him. Wanda and Pepper were there too, whispering quietly to each other as they braided Tony's hair, which was just long enough to be french braided with many loose strands of hair sticking up at odd angles. Tony didn't seem to mind, his focus was on Bucky as he cooked.

"Hey, Pepper. I didn't know you were back." Steve said, walking up to her. Pepper smiled brightly at him and gave him a firm hug.

"I got back last night. When I heard Tony was getting to come home I managed to get all my meetings to be here instead of LA so I can come check on him." She said. She grabbed on to the sides of Steve's head so she could pull him down to kiss his cheek, although her heels gave her several more inches in height Steve was still taller. "Thank you for taking care of him. I know he can be a handful but he really seems to be doing okay."

"It was no trouble at all." Steve said quickly. Pepper was seeing it too. If Tony was really doing okay then she would know. Last night could have just been a little hiccup and things were going to be okay now. "I'm glad you're here."

Pepper's smile grew strained as she looked back at Tony. "I know you said you wanted to take care of him and I really do appreciate it, but if it ever becomes too much just let me know and I can hire someone to fill in." She said. "I have a lot of fantastic people lined up just in case."

"Thank you, Pepper, I'll think about it." Steve said, frowning slightly. "He's really fine though, I couldn't imagine leaving him for anything."

"Won't be necessary." Bucky said as he dropped a plateful of eggs and assorted vegetables in front of Tony. "We're taking real good care of him. He's fine with us. No strangers for him."

Pepper looked back to Steve, who shrugged dismissively. Bucky was a natural at caretaking, even if Steve had no idea what he was doing or if he was messing things up completely he could trust Bucky. Pepper sighed and went back to stand next to Wanda.

The scene in front of him calmed him completely. Bucky was feeding Tony, carrying forkfuls of eggs up to his mouth and trying to get him to eat. Tony's hands were lying limply in his lap, both of them deathly still except for a slight twitch to his knuckles. His hair was ridiculous with the half-finished braids and Wanda was still trying to coax it into a more manageable hairstyle.

Steve gestured for Vision to sit in the stool next to Tony. Vision went willingly with a small nod and stared at Tony, who hadn't even noticed his presence. No one wanted to force an interaction so none of the room's other occupants said a thing, Tony was focused on eating and Bucky just kept on feeding him until his plate was empty.

Instead Steve walked up to Wanda. This is the second time she had come to visit Tony willingly and it was very suspicious considering she claimed to hate the man. She probably wasn't here to hurt him, she could do that easily even with all these people in the room, the thought didn't comfort Steve at all, but here she was trying to braid his hair that was long enough to go into braids but short enough to look absolutely horrible with them.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, coming up right next to her. Pepper frowned at him, muttering about how rude he was being, and Wanda simply smiled. "You hate Tony."

"Yes." She said simply as she started using her fingers to comb out a braid that turned out particularly bad.

"Then why are you messing with him?" Steve asked slowly. If she was trying to trick Tony in some way, make him feel safe with her so she could hurt him later then Steve would have to step in. She could leave the tower, go home or back to the new Avengers facility, he wouldn't hurt her but he refused to allow Tony to be in any kind of danger.

Wanda chuckled. "I won't hurt him. I'm not as bitter as I used to be." She said. She stepped to the side as Tony turned his head to look at Vision, suddenly aware of his presence.

Steve took a step closer to her and whispered softly. "Then why are you here? Usually when you hate people you want to spend as little time as possible with them."

She nodded. "True." Wanda said. She managed to get the last bit of Tony's hair into a small and short braid that almost stuck straight out. "But he has been very confused and worried, it calms him to have his hair played with."

"How would you know?" Steve said quickly. Wanda smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, fine. Mental manipulation or whatever. Don't you know it's rude to read people's mind?"

With a slight shrug she went back to Tony's hair, brushing it all out again with her fingers and starting over. "It just happens sometimes." She whispered back to him. Steve hadn't noticed, but they had both been having a quiet discussion right next to each other that no one else seemed to be paying attention to. It was probably for the better. "Like I know you're nervous about taking care of him. Don't worry, he trusts you. He thinks you're safe. That's probably a good thing."

Steve turned away from her, not wanting to listen anymore. She wasn't a threat, but he still didn't understand why she seemed to care. Bucky had left a plate of eggs on the counter for him that was steadily growing cold. He went over and picked at it, popping a few pieces into his mouth and humming. It was delicious, Bucky always was an amazing cook.

"Not Jarvis?" A soft voice said behind him. Steve turned to look, suddenly aware of the conversation that had been going on and he hadn't noticed. Tony was squinting suspiciously at Vision and Bucky was staring at the two of them with a fork hanging from his mouth. Wanda was still standing behind Tony, his hair in her hands, and Pepper had glanced up from her phone quickly before her eyes darted back down.

"No, Anthony, I am not Jarvis." Vision said calmly, a fond smile playing on his lips. "But he is not gone."

Tony seemed to only be more confused by the statement, but thankfully not panicked or afraid like he was last night. "Where did he go?" Tony's voice was soft but firm, he didn't seem afraid. He seemed curious. "Gone?"

Vision shook his head. "He is not gone. He has become a part of me."

Tony frowned. The creases of his forehead were getting more prominent as the conversation continued. He wasn't understanding, but something in Vision's voice must have been calming for him because he didn't show any signs of repeating the events of last night. They should probably finish this up soon.

"Gone." Tony said simply, looking up to the ceiling with sorrow filled eyes. "Gone."

"Well, we better get going." Steve said quickly, cutting in and gaining everyone's attention. "Tony's occupational therapist will be by in about an hour and we still need to get him dressed. Then we have a meeting with the doctor who's working on Tony's walking, I think they want to use the pool to help with his balance."

"Yeah, we should get ready." Bucky said, nodding along. He walked around the kitchen island and helped Tony up from his seat. He gently started leading him from the kitchen. "Come on, sweetheart. You got a big day today."

Steve smiled at everyone left in the kitchen. They didn't seem at all perplexed by Bucky and Tony's sudden disappearance, in fact they all seemed rather understanding. Pepper came over to give him one last kiss on the cheek before leaving with the promise to stop by again later that day to see Tony.

"I think it went well." Vision said, smiling brightly at Steve. "I would very much like to speak with Anthony again when you think it appropriate."

"I would like that." Steve said. Wanda came over and grabbed Vision's arm. "Thank you for your help." Wanda pulled Vision up from his seat and over to the elevator with a quick wave goodbye.

Steve went back to Tony's room and stopped in the doorway to watch as Tony's complete focus was on Bucky as he dug through the drawers of his dresser looking for clothes. The scene looked entirely too domestic, too calm, and too precious. Tony had a soft smile on his face as Bucky dug out shirts and let them fall to the floor and Bucky cheered in triumph as he pulled out an oversized t-shirt that looked very comfortable. They were both alright.

"Hey, Buck. We should get Tony a haircut soon too." Steve said. "You were always better with scissors."

Bucky nodded as he went over to Tony to help him out of his pajama shirt and into the one he picked out. Tony seemed happy enough, everyone said that Tony appeared to be doing alright, and Steve would have to find a way to trust that.

Tony grumbled as Bucky started taking the braids out of his hair, it needed to be combed before the therapists started to arrive. "Steve." Tony said in a long whine as he leaned away from the comb in Bucky's hand. Steve laughed softly and shook his head.


	9. Chapter 9

Sundays were a break from the usual tight schedule. Every moment of every day was planned out perfectly to be almost identical to the day before. It was for Tony, to help him feel safe and secure in knowing how the day was supposed to go. But on Sundays no physical therapists would come, no doctors. It wasn't surprising that Steve woke up so late in the day.

"It's almost noon." He mumbled as he glanced up at the clock. He didn't expect a reply, he was usually up first. He reached behind him to shake Bucky awake. "It's your turn to make breakfast, baby."

His hand met nothing but cool sheets. He lifted his head again to look around. Bucky wasn't there. All the blankets had been piled up on Steve, leaving Bucky's side of the bed bare. Odd.

Tony wasn't in his room either. His bed was made with such military efficiency that no one in the Tower's cleaning service had ever been able to imitate so Bucky must have gotten Tony up. They were probably in the kitchen together. Steve smiled and shook his head, he didn't want to think of the mess they were making.

In the kitchen there certainly was a mess, dishes were lying on every counter and different colored batter was splattered on almost every surface. There was also a cold plate of strawberry pancakes sitting on the island next to a post-it note with Steve's name and a bunch of hearts on it. No Bucky or Tony though and they hadn't been in the living room when he walked by.

"Relax, Rogers. They're around." Steve whispered to himself. He could feel the tension building, his muscles tightened and his stomach started doing backflips as he listened to the overwhelming silence of the apartment. He had never woken up to find them not there.

There was another mess on the kitchen floor as well. Pooled around one of the stools was a pile of brown hair. Something was off about it. They had talked about getting Tony's hair cut, it was getting a bit unruly and his hair was unrecognizable from what it used to be. Still, something was off about it.

He grabbed his phone quickly, trying to ignore all the scenarios popping into his head that involved villains and kidnappings and the two of them lying dead in a ditch. Tony wasn't ready to handle an attack, his body still didn't move quite like it should. Bucky could handle it though, Bucky can protect Tony.

He texted Natasha, she usually knew where everyone was. It was a habit of hers to make sure she knew where everyone close to her was located, no matter if they were sitting next to her or on the other side of the world. If she didn't know Steve wasn't sure if it was a defense mechanism for her or a habit that calmed her, but it was helpful now.

Steve didn't have to wait long for her response that calmly told him that they were down in Tony's workshop. He blinked a few times, staring at the words on his phone as if it was a language he didn't recognize. They had yet to take Tony back down to his workshop, Tony never asked and he had never thought of it.

The next thing he knew he was in the elevator, his body a mass of nervous energy. If Tony had asked to go down to the workshop then this was wonderful. He was remembering, focusing, he was with reality enough to know where his favorite place was instead of his usual confused disinterest with his location.

The elevator doors slid open and a smile broke across. Tony was sitting in a seat in the middle of the workshop, all of his robots were spinning around him and occasionally rushing forward to run their metal claws up Tony's back, down his arms, or through his hair. He looked completely comfortable and happy, a look Steve hadn't seen on Tony in months.

His hair was cut short, a bit shorter than his pre-injury hairstyle but it still looked good. His face was clean shaven too, there wasn't even a goatee. Steve glanced over to the couch in search of Bucky, his smile growing stiff as soon as he saw him.

"What happened to your hair?" Steve said quickly, walking across the workshop and stopping in front of Bucky.

"I cut it." He said. He reached up and ran a hand through his now short hair and eyed Steve cautiously. "You were asleep and you've been looking so exhausted lately that we just decided not to wake you. So I made breakfast and cut Tony's hair, shaved his face, and then I decided to cut my own hair. Do you like it?"

Steve couldn't stop staring at Bucky. He both hated and loved it. The shorter hair was so much like the hair Bucky used to have, back before the war, before HYDRA. It was like a familiar, warm memory had resurfaced and was standing in front of him. It didn't feel right trying to associate the look with the Bucky he had now. Things were different now, he had gotten so used to Bucky's long hair, running his fingers through it, laughing whenever they were lying down and leaned close to kiss him and his hair would tickle his face, and pressing his nose against it while they slept at night and breathing in Bucky's scent.

Steve tried not to frown. "Do you like it, Buck?" He said slowly. "It's your hair."

"I don't like it." Tony called out from his seat. The concern written on Bucky's face melted away into something fond. "Grow it out again."

"I'll consider it, love." Bucky said to him, returning Tony's wide smile. He looked back to Steve, his smile softer. "What do you think?"

Steve sat down next to Bucky and threw his arm over his shoulders to pull him close. "I think you look good no matter what." He said as he leaned over to kiss his cheek, Bucky hummed.

"I thought you would like it." Bucky muttered. Steve frowned, his lips still lightly brushing across Bucky's cheekbone.

He pulled back slowly, his mind racing from one thing to another, unable to grasp on to one thought for too long. "Wait. Is that why?" He asked slowly. Bucky tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Did you cut it because you thought I would like it?"

Bucky shrugged. "Well, yeah."

Steve shook his head and reached out quickly to take Bucky's face in his hands. "No way, baby doll. I love you no matter what your hair looks like. I would have preferred you do your hair how you like it to look." He said as he placed a gentle kiss on Bucky's soft lips, hoping he could communicate how much love and affection he felt for him in such a simple gesture. "I love you for you doll, not your hair."

Bucky chuckled. "You're such a sap."

They all fell into a silent state of peaceful happiness. Tony was basking in the attention of his bots, who had all apparently missed him very much. Dum-E tried to hand him a screwdriver and waited patiently as Tony stared at it with a thoughtful expression on his face and slowly reached out to take it. Steve could feel his heart soar as Tony's fingers slowly wrapped around it, some a bit more flexible and his other fingers barely curving at all, but the screwdriver was still in his hand. As soon as Dum-E let go of it the screwdriver fell from Tony's hand and onto the ground.

Tony didn't pay any attention to the screwdriver after that and instead started to spin in circles in his chair. All of the bots seemed thrilled with that and started spinning with him. Everything seemed so peaceful and happy, far more relaxed than the past few months. It was certainly better than it had been, even better than last night which had been another difficult one. They were better at handling it though, were better at reading the signs that indicated when Tony wanted to be comforted and when he wanted to be left alone. Bad nights went a lot smoother now and good days like this one were more often.

Steve leaned over and laid his head down on Bucky's shoulder. "Not to sound possessive or anything, feel free to hit me if I am, but I was a bit scared waking up and not knowing where you guys were. I didn't know if you were safe." He whispered softly. "I'm sorry. I've just never woken up and had neither of you there. Not for a long time anyway."

"It's fine, love." Bucky said, kissing the top of his head. "We'll leave a note next time. Just after I finished cutting our hair Tony got really excited about the workshop and I didn't want to be the guy to tell him we couldn't go."

Steve laughed. It made sense, Tony used to make plans on a whim all the time so it was nice to see a bit of that again. Right here in the workshop had always been where Tony was most comfortable, happiest, and carefree. He looked it now, after months in recovery and finally showing an interest in coming back. Now that he was thinking about it, they should have probably brought him down sooner. He still couldn't do much here, but it was his safe space.

Bucky had gone back to watching Tony, Steve peeked up quickly to look at him. It was strange, seeing his shorter hair falling across his forehead much like it used to do when they were stupid young kids sharing an apartment in Brooklyn. He looked almost exactly the same, all the tension in his face drained away as he smiled fondly about the room, making him look so much younger and so very similar to the boy Steve had grown up with. It didn't feel the same.

"I'm going back to see my old therapist again." Bucky muttered. Steve raised an eyebrow. "I've been… missing the last few appointments. I think I should head back. You'll be fine on your own for a while?"

Steve smiled and leaned over to kiss lightly at Bucky's neck. It was strange to not have to brush his hair out of the way to get to the skin, but more manageable he supposed. "I love you, Buck. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy. Being with you and Tony is actually a lot more fulfilling that I would have imagined. I don't know what I'm gonna do when he doesn't need us anymore and we move back to our floor." Bucky said calmly. Steve's smile fell. That hadn't occurred to him. The thought of leaving Tony didn't sit well with him. "I just still have things I need to work out."

Steve nodded. He understood. No one could go through what Bucky did for 70 years and not come out with some baggage. He was proud of him, during the first few months after Steve managed to bring him back to the tower Bucky had refused to talk to anyone. He had hidden his problems until he was bursting at the seams and Tony had talked him through every one of his panic attacks with practiced ease. No one talked about it, Tony didn't ask what had upset him and Bucky didn't ask how he knew how to help him through his panic and Steve had watched the two of them become friends.

He never thanked Tony for helping take care of Bucky until those first few months were over and Bucky agreed to speak with a professional, which made his recovery seem a bit faster and easier until everyone seemed to finally relax and the tower settled back into a natural state.

Bucky was going back, he was going to keep on taking care of himself, and that made Steve very happy.

"Steve." Tony whispered, causing Steve and Bucky to look over. Tony was staring up at the ceiling with a deep furrow to his eyebrows. "Is he mad at me?"

The calm spell that had covered the workshop had been broken suddenly by reality, forcing its way through and reminding them all their responsibilities. This was Tony's safe space and now it too was corrupt by the evidence of what Steve had done. Jarvis wasn't here either and Tony didn't know why. He rose quickly and walked across the room to Tony, resting his hands on his shoulders and giving what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"No, Tony. Jarvis isn't mad at you." Steve said calmly. Tony nodded and turned to look at Steve in confusion. "He's not here anymore. You put him in an android called Vision."

"Oh." Tony said. "Where is he?"

"Vision?" Steve asked. Tony nodded. "I think he's still in the tower. Would you like us to call him up?"

Tony nodded again. Steve looked back at Bucky, who already had his phone out and was tapping away on the screen. "He'll meet us upstairs." Bucky muttered without looking up.

"Okay. Tony are you ready to go back up?" Steve asked. It was Tony's choice. Sundays didn't have a schedule, they didn't have to plan the day around doctors and appointments. Tony got to choose what he wanted to do and when. Tony smiled and nodded. "Do you want me to help you walk to the elevator or do you want to be carried?"

It was a common question for them. Sometimes Tony wanted to walk and grumbled each time someone tried to help him stand or stopped him from falling over, his bursts of independence making it difficult for him to stay upright. Other times he loved being carried, usually getting piggyback rides from one place to another as he bathed in the feeling of being babied.

"Carried. I'm tired." Tony said, grinning smugly up at him. He raised his arms as Steve turned around and knelt down.

Once Tony was on his back they made their way out of the workshop and into the elevator to head up to Tony's penthouse. They had spent a few hours down there, all of them in either hushed conversation or enjoying the opportunity to see Tony happy and enthusiastic surrounded by his machines.

"I don't like it." Tony said, lifting his hand to drop it on the top of Bucky's head. "You should grow it out again."

"I probably will. I looked great with long hair." Bucky said, smiling up at Tony.

"It was a good look." Tony said.

Steve couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. Tony was practically flirting and it was a beautiful thing to hear.

The elevator doors slid open once they arrived on Tony's floor, Vision was already waiting for him. Oddly enough he was cleaning up the mess that all of them had neglected in the kitchen. All the hair, Tony and Bucky's different shades of brown, and all the splattered pancake batter were cleaned up and not a sign of them were left. The plate of pancakes was left on the island.

Steve carried Tony over to where Vision was stacking the dirty bowls in the sink and waited for him to finish. Tony had started swinging his feet slowly but didn't say a thing, either his mind had wandered or he was also waiting. Vision turned around finally and smiled at them.

"Is your home always in such a state? I have learned that leaving food out could cause infestations." Vision asked.

"Not usually. Bucky made breakfast and didn't clean up." Steve said loudly and ignored Bucky's annoyed muttering behind him. He tilted his head to get a better look at the man still hanging on to his back. "Tony, this is Vision."

Tony wiggled around to indicate that he was ready to be put down. Very carefully Steve lowered him onto the floor and steadies him, slowly trying to maneuver him to stand in front of Vision. Tony looked Vision over carefully.

"You're Jarvis?" He asked, sounding rather skeptic. Steve let go and smiled as Vision's hands darted forward to hold him when Tony wobbled.

"I am not Jarvis." Vision said calmly. "But Jarvis is a part of me. We have met before, Anthony."

"We did?" Tony asked, suddenly more confused than already. He glanced back at Steve, who was slowly trying to back up until he was standing next to Bucky near the couch. Steve nodded encouragingly, a smile breaking out on his face as he felt Bucky's hands curl around his waist.

"Yes. Just last week. I do understand your memory has been affected by your injury, but do not worry. I have looked into it and your chances of recovering most of your mental capacity are very high with the possibility of some lasting, but manageable, residual effects." Vision said calmly. Steve froze, he didn't know how Tony would react to that. It wasn't necessarily a wrong thing to say but it wasn't very comforting either.

Tony simply laughed. "You're Jarvis. Mostly the same." He said smugly, a hint of pride in his tone.

"I am not Jarvis." Vision said. Tony shrugged and then leaned forward until he was resting his head on Vision's shoulder.

Steve felt elated. Tony didn't interact with nearly enough people and he got along with even fewer. Here he was practically making a friend, sure he was a bit misguided, not fully understanding what Vision means when he said he wasn't Jarvis, but Steve didn't understand that either.

He spun around, Bucky's hands still on his waist, and planted a firm kiss onto his boyfriend's lips. They were soft and warm, opening up for him without hesitation. Everything was alright. Tony was getting better, Bucky was going to take care of himself, and soon Steve was content in knowing the two men he loved most would one day be alright.

Steve's heart felt like it had skipped a beat when the thought crossed his mind. He had thought about loving Tony often, Tony was his best friend besides Bucky, but that love and affection had always been wrapped in layers of friendship and platonic comradery that Steve hadn't noticed the shift until now. He loved Tony, probably had for a long time, and not just as his best friend, something had been altered along the way and that seed of affection that was planted somewhere deep in his heart when Tony gave the team everything, his home and all of his resources, had bloomed into something he had not intended. Somewhere a line had been crossed, back when Steve had stopped calling Tony 'Stark' and instead started using his first name.

Bucky hummed and started sucking on his bottom lip and Steve almost wanted to pull back, disgusted with himself. This had to be why Bucky was afraid, back then at the hospital when Steve didn't understand. Originally he had assumed that he was afraid that as Steve got swept away trying to take care of his best friend he would forget about Bucky, which would have never happened. He didn't realize Bucky was afraid of anything romantic popping up between them. And he had joked about it too, back then. He had admitted to loving Tony, not truly understanding the true weight of his words, and he had been truthful about it even if it was taken differently. Now it was too late, he couldn't take it back. He couldn't tell Bucky he didn't love Tony in that way because now he did.

It felt wrong. Tony was injured. He didn't understand where he was or what was happening most of the time. Steve felt like he was taking advantage of the situation all of a sudden. He would never do anything, not like that, not when Tony didn't understand. He didn't know how this happened. He didn't know how he went from the switch of confidant friendly affection to the same overwhelming heat under his skin he felt when he thought of Bucky. It could have been how needed Steve felt with him, how open and caring all of Tony's smiles had become, and how it felt to have Bucky by his side while the three of them were together.

He knew two things were certain though, he would never leave Bucky for anyone but wouldn't stop him if Bucky decided to leave if he ever found out about how his thoughts have shifted, and that he did not deserve to love Tony. Not after what he had done to the man. Steve didn't know what to do.


	10. Chapter 10

Tony sat idly by the pool, his legs hanging in the water, slowly kicking back and forth, and his right hand curled loosely into his shirt. Steve kept a close eye on him. The physical therapist said that the pool can significantly help Tony's balance and get his strength up to walk farther on his own. It didn't help that Tony was reluctant to get in the pool, him simply sitting by it with his legs in the water was the closest Steve had ever seen him. The choice was his, they all had told him that if he didn't want to go in no one would make him.

He had been confidant that he would do it all the way up to the point where they actually walked up to the water. Then he just sat quietly watching the ripples on the surface that appeared each time he kicked his legs. The whole team, minus Bucky because he had gone back to therapy today, was in the pool room, all of them either sitting on the sidelines with Steve and relaxing in the chairs laid out there or they were swimming in the deep end and away from where Tony and his therapist was. They were all ready to jump forward the moment they were needed.

"He's doing alright." Bruce said, laid out in the chair next to him. It wasn't a question, just a simple statement of fact. Bruce was there when Tony was in a coma, when he woke up, and through most of the healing process. That coupled with his medical knowledge, far greater than Steve's, his opinion on this was reassuring. "Is he dressing himself now?"

Steve nodded. "Yeah, he's been relearning a lot of stuff. It's good to see him do things he used to do. He can shower by himself now too, but a chair is in there in case he can't stand for very long." Steve said slowly. As Tony was getting his life back on track, able to do things on his own, he had become more eager to regain his independence. He had no problem with Bucky waking him up in the morning, carefully combing out his hair, and fixing him breakfast. He also had no problem with Steve occasionally carrying him when he was tired or answering all the questions Tony had when he was confused and needed comfort. "He's picking out his own clothes too."

It was obvious that Steve and Bucky didn't help pick out his clothes. Steve always dressed him in light colors that went well together, Bucky always picked clothes that were dark and not too flashy. For their trip to the pool, Tony decided to wear a bright orange t-shirt and blue swim trunks. The outfit clothes clashed terribly, but it didn't look all that bad on him. Tony actually looked great.

"You're doing a great job with him." Bruce said.

Steve sighed, but didn't comment. He didn't feel like he was doing a good job at all. Tony deserved better than him. Steve was going to mess this all up some way if he kept at it, his focus had shifted from taking care of Tony to falling in love with him. Tony didn't need that. Steve tried to shake the thoughts from his head, he would handle it, everything was going to turn out alright for all of them.

Steve had a plan, he was just waiting for feedback at this point. He couldn't continue to have these feelings for Tony, not the bubbling love and affection he felt whenever he held him, or even looked at him. He couldn't fall in love with Tony when he was with Bucky, it wasn't fair to either of them. He couldn't care for Tony when these thoughts about how it would feel to hold him close for hours and how nicely his body fit against his kept popping into his head. It was disgusting. Steve was taking advantage of a situation he had caused.

"Come on, dear." The physical therapist said softly as she stood in the pool just a few feet in front of where Tony sat. "If you don't like it you can just jump right on out. We won't do it again unless you say so."

Steve liked all of Tony's physical therapists. They all listened to him, asked him for his opinions, and didn't make it seem like he was a confused child. The doctors in the hospital had done that, talked about him like he wasn't even there and ignored his every mutter and movement unless it signified an improvement. The physical therapists were all usually great. The one that was here today was just standing in the water calmly, one hand held out in front of her to help Tony into the water if he decided to go.

"I don't wanna." Tony muttered to himself. He kicked at the water again, this time splashing the therapist slightly. It wasn't enough to soak her, or even bother her, but just enough to get his discomfort across. "It's bad."

Rhodey, Clint, and Natasha were in the pool, floating just a few yards away and gradually heading closer to Tony. They looked like they were trying to be subtle, Clint and Natasha were succeeding mostly, Rhodey was actively staring at Tony as they crept closer.

"Why is it bad?" The therapist asked softly. Tony shrugged. "Would you like to get out?"

Tony's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. "No! It's just bad." He said. He continued to shake his head, muttering 'badbadbadbadbad' under his breath. Things were getting ready to fall apart. Steve stood up from his seat and took half a step towards the pool.

Tony had been okay, they had talked it over before coming down. Tony said he would be fine in the pool, that the water didn't bother him anymore. They all knew it was a problem area, his personal file had stated as much, Tony had even mentioned it on occasions. It was all was brief and he never outright said it, but he had hinted enough.

Steve never made it to Tony, Rhodey got there first. He gently pushed the physical therapist, a really kind woman whose name Steve had never learned, and Rhodey took her place in front of Tony. He didn't touch Tony, instead just held his hand out slowly, palm up and welcoming.

"It's alright, Tones. You're safe. We can go if you want. We'll head upstairs and watch the Princess Bride, you love that movie. Do you want me to help you out?" Rhodey said. Tony shook his head again, this time meeting Rhodey's gaze.

Tony's hand jerked off away from his shirt where he had been holding on tightly and slapped it against Rhodey's waiting palm. All at once Tony slipped into the water. The pool had been drained a bit to prepare for the session, the water only went up to his hips. Tony clung to Rhodey like a life preserver, in this situation he very well could be.

"See, you're doing so well." Rhodey said slowly. "You'll be walking like you used to in no time, loser. Then no one will be able to catch you."

Tony chuckled softly, he sounded a little out of breath, but otherwise okay. Steve was just standing there, halfway between his seat and the pool. He didn't know what to do. At the moment Tony seemed to be holding together alright. He had his arms wrapped around Rhodey tightly with soft whispers of 'bad' that were almost too quiet to hear. He glanced back at Steve to make sure he was still there.

Steve nodded and Tony took a small step further into the pool. Then another. As they slowly walked further away from the edge Tony stopped looking around. His gaze had gone distant, no longer focused, but he gripped onto Rhodey tighter with his right hand, his left, still in its cast, was pinned between them.

Everyone in the room had gone quiet, silently watching as Rhodey and Tony made their way through the pool. They stopped in the center, Rhodey studying Tony carefully with a frown. Tony was staring down at the water, his eyes were still unfocused, but he didn't seem to have checked out. He was still here, his mind hadn't drifted away somewhere else.

"Tony." Rhodey said softly. Tony hummed in acknowledgement. "Do you want to get out of the pool?"

Tony nodded. He buried his face into Rhodey's shoulder and let himself be led backwards towards the edge of the pool. When they reached it they stood there for several more minutes. Tony didn't try to get himself out or move away from Rhodey's arms, instead he continued to watch the water and slowly shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He had stopped muttering to himself, but didn't look at the water any friendlier.

Eventually he pushed himself out of Rhodey's arms and pushed himself up onto the cool cement that circled to pool. It was exactly the same as it had been not ten minutes earlier, Tony sitting by the poolside with his legs slowly moving through the water. The only difference was now his lower half was wet and his body seemed to be shaking slightly.

Steve took the last few steps to the poolside and wrapped Tony in his arms. He could hear the man sigh in relief and push back against Steve's chest. All of Tony's ridiculously tense muscles started to relax, which only caused him to start shaking more. Steve pulled him up into his arms and away from the water, Tony turned around until he was able to bury his face into Steve's chest and somehow wrap his body completely around him.

Tony was light. Still a bit thinner than he used to be, his muscles not as defined. He was easy to carry. They went back to the chairs that were off to the side and Steve sat down carefully as Tony kept his face hidden away in Steve's shift and his right hand buried in the fabric. The physical therapist was now out of the pool and packing up her things, she glanced over to the two of them and gave them a thumbs up and a small smile before leaving. Everyone else in the room had gone back to relaxing, either sprawled out on a pool chair or floating in the water.

"I'm sorry." Tony whispered, his voice slightly muffled.

Steve shushed him and started rubbing his hands up and down Tony's back. "It's okay, sweetheart. No one's upset." He said softly.

"I couldn't…" Tony said, pausing as he looked for the words he wanted. "It's bad. I don't like it. I don't like… drowning."

"You're okay, Tony. You're not drowning." Steve said. "I got you. You're not drowning."

Tony nodded and melted further into his hold. "I want to try again."

"Later. Not right now." Steve didn't want Tony going back in the pool. Tony was clearly shaken, barely holding on and trying to stay as calm as he could. He didn't want Tony to go anywhere near that water.

"I want to try again." Tony muttered.

Steve nodded, reaching up to run his hand through Tony's hair and the other continued to rub slow circles into his back. Eventually everyone else started leaving too. Clint, Rhodey, and Natasha climbed out of the pool, grabbed their towels and left. Bruce followed shortly after. Wanda and Vision were across the room on the other side of the pool, they appeared to be deep in a conversation that Steve couldn't hear and were paying the two of them no attention at all.

Tony eventually relaxed completely and had gone limp in Steve's arms. It had been a stressful day, he was probably just a few minutes away from falling asleep. It would be good for him, to get some rest. It would give them time for Bucky to get home, he would be a great help. Tony shifted his head slightly so his face was now pressed against Steve's neck, he could feel the tickle of his lashes brushing against his skin with each quick blink. It was nice.

"Do you want to go upstairs? Go to bed?" Steve said slowly. Tony shook his head. "I'll wake you up before your next therapist gets here."

"No." Tony whispered, obviously sounding fatigued.

"Okay." Steve said.

Tony was asleep within five minutes. Steve didn't trust himself to be able to stand up and lift him into the air without jostling him awake. Today hadn't been a good day, Tony had worn himself out, but he had tried his best and now deserved to just take an hour to sleep and if he felt safe enough in Steve's arms to sleep there then he wasn't going to disturb him.

His phone beeped softly on the small table next to his chair. It took a bit of maneuvering to reach for it and not move Tony around too much, but he somehow managed it. He hoped it was the response he was waiting for, he really needed this to work out if he was going to make things right again.

It was.

'I found a great live-in nurse to take care of him until he's able to live on his own again.'

Steve sighed, both relieved and disappointed by the text from Pepper. He had to remind himself that this was better, he wasn't good for Tony anymore. He was distracted, he didn't trust himself to give Tony the proper care he needed now that he had romantic feelings for him. Tony needed someone who could take care of him, make sure he was taking his medications on time, went to his doctor's appointments, and help him through the days and nights, not someone who would fantasize about cuddling with him, or kissing him, or taking him out to dinner.

Steve's phone beeped again, another text from Pepper.

'I don't know what made you change your mind, but we should probably talk about it. Or talk to someone about it.'

Steve shook his head. He didn't need to talk to anyone. Sure, Pepper was surprised with the shift in his behavior. He went from determined to care for Tony himself to wanting to pass him off to a professional. Something had changed, they all seemed to know it, but Steve couldn't let them know exactly what had changed. Bucky couldn't know. Bucky had his heart and his love, he wouldn't leave him for anyone. If he found out that Steve had fallen in love with someone else it would destroy him and Steve refused to be just another person who hurt Bucky.

His phone beeped again.

'For what it's worth, I thought you were doing a great job with him.'

This woman had a superpower or something because she obviously knew about Steve's doubts, if not his sickening change in motives. He had promised to care for Tony because it was his duty as team leader and as the man who had hurt him, not because of some silly infatuation. How could Steve care for Tony now that he was feeling something different? Tony was fast asleep on him now and the warmth and comfort of his body against was amazing and Steve just wanted to hold him forever. It wasn't right.

Steve started typing out the response on his phone. Pepper would have found someone fantastic, someone who could do their job without this conflict of interests and do what was best for Tony when it was needed. Everything would be fine.

'Sounds great. Hire them.'


	11. Chapter 11

"Wait, you did what?" Bucky asked slowly.

In retrospect, Steve probably should have told him that he had hired a nurse before the day had come for them to move out and for him to move in. He had just been busy, his mind was preoccupied with interviewing the man, getting to know him and his history, and deciding if he was the best candidate to be taking care of Tony.

"Don't worry about it, Buck. It's fine. We found a great guy, military background, he's been a nurse in the army for years." Steve said, trying to calm the man down. They were both being as quiet as possible, Tony had managed to fall asleep during a movie and was half lying on top of Bucky. That was probably the only reason Steve hadn't been punched in the face yet, judging by the anger clearly coursing through Bucky's body.

He rolled and carefully deposited Tony's sleeping form onto the couch, careful not to jostle him awake. Bucky then walked slowly up to Steve, each step seemed deliberate and almost too calm. This wasn't going to end with them not fighting, there was definitely going to be a fight and Steve hated it when they fought. He should have told him sooner.

"So, you hired a guy to take care of Tony. Why?" Bucky asked, his voice more controlled and relaxed than Steve has ever heard it.

He swung his head in the direction of the kitchen. This was definitely going to turn into a fight and if they were going to start yelling at each other then Steve didn't want to accidently wake up Tony and he knew Bucky felt the same way. Bucky nodded and followed him into the other room.

"Why did you do this?" Bucky asked as soon as they walked through the threshold into the kitchen. "Why the fuck did you go behind my back to hire some fucking stranger to take care of him? Tony needs us."

"He doesn't need us. He just needs someone and no one ever said it had to be us." Steve said. He couldn't go outright and say that he had fallen for Tony during all of this. He couldn't put Bucky through that. "It's going to be fine, this guy will come in and make sure Tony eats and is cared for and goes to all of his doctor's appointments and we get to go back down to our floor, we get to go home, and relax for the first time in months."

Bucky took a step back and shook his head. "So you're just giving up? After everything we've done for him, after we swore we'd take care of him, but you can't handle it anymore?"

That wasn't what he was implying, but it was better than the alternative. He would rather have Bucky think he was giving up than tell the man he loved that he had also fallen in love with the man they were supposed to be taking care of after an injury. Steve felt disgusted with himself every time he thought about it. Tony couldn't even hold a spoon by himself and here Steve was fantasizing about how Tony's lips might feel against his own.

"I just can't take care of him anymore, sweetheart." Steve whispered.

That seemed to just make Bucky angrier, he clenched his fists and walked up until he was just a few inches away from Steve. "What? So you're just gonna hire some stranger to take care of him?" He asked, his voice slowly rising to a shout. "He's hurt, Steve. He's vulnerable. How do you know this guy isn't some nutcase here to take him out or hurt him more!?"

"I interviewed the guy like three times and Pepper interviewed him so he's not a stranger. He's a nice guy. He was an army nurse, he's divorced, he has three kids, he's from Chicago, he has a cat, he's not a stranger." Steve said quickly. He didn't know what to do, Pepper had taken Happy to go pick the guy up and help move him into the tower so he would be here within a few hours. He wanted to make this right, to hold Bucky close and feel like the world isn't falling apart but somehow he was only making this worse.

"So, you put a lot of time into this. Probably a few days' worth of interviews and meetings and even Pepper was involved, but not once did it ever occur to you to ask me what I thought about all of this." Bucky said, full shouting at this point and Steve took a step back. "Did you even think about anyone but yourself? Maybe I like taking care of Tony, maybe I like waking up in the morning and seeing him and knowing he's okay, maybe I don't want some random stranger to take over even if you're giving up because you found out that taking care of an injured friend is hard!"

Steve shook his head quickly, thrown off be the enraged passion Bucky was throwing at him. "Bucky, it's not like that." This was bad. He didn't realize Bucky had gotten so attached, that unburdening him from this was actually doing him a disservice. It was his responsibility to take care of Tony, he shouldn't have dragged Bucky in on this anyway, but it was too late for that now. "I hurt him, Buck. I did this to him and now I'm pretending that helping him eat and sleep is making up for that. I'm being selfish. He deserves to have people who know what they're doing looking out for him."

It wasn't the entire truth, but at least it wasn't a lie. There had to be a way to fix this, to get Bucky to see that everyone would be better off with the nurse coming in and taking over. Nothing came to mind, the only thing running through Steve's head was the fear that he was about to lose both Bucky and Tony all on the same day because he wasn't strong enough to keep this professional.

"You're damn right you're being selfish, Rogers. I've taken care of you for years when you were sick or hurt and it turns out the moment someone relies on you it becomes too much and you just give up." Bucky said coldly. Steve took another step back. "I don't even understand why you're doing this, why you would lie to me about it. Did it really get so hard for you the past few months that you would go behind my back to pass Tony off on someone else? Did you not think that maybe I enjoyed spending time with him and taking care of him? Did you really get so sick of that responsibility that you decided you were going to take this away from me because you didn't like it anymore? Sure, maybe you needed a vacation because you got sick of taking care of Tony, but you never once thought about what I wanted to do!"

Steve didn't feel like he could breathe anymore, his mouth opened and closed but no words came out. He understood why Bucky was furious. Steve didn't consider how hiring the nurse would make him feel, didn't think that maybe Bucky had gotten attached to Tony as well, although probably in a much more innocent way that Steve had, and he didn't think to ask Bucky for his opinion on the whole matter. It made sense for him to be upset and there was no way for Steve to explain it without making things worse. Steve had messed up.

"Look, I'm sure you can sti-" Steve had started to say that Bucky could still see Tony, still help take care of him and do all the things he probably loved doing for him when their conversation came to a halt at the sound of a door slamming closed down the hall.

Bucky was the first one out of the kitchen, Steve not far behind. They both frowned at the now empty couch that Tony had been sleeping on moments before. "Fuck." Bucky breathed out before he started racing down the hall towards Tony's room.

This was bad, Tony had heard their fighting and probably assumed the worst. He wasn't in his bedroom, but the door to the bathroom was wide open and further inspection showed that the glass door to Tony's shower was also hanging open. Tony was curled up against the cold tiles, his face buried against his knees and his back visibly shaking.

"Hey, baby. Are you okay?" Bucky said as he walked into the large shower and sat down in front of him. Tony didn't look up but still shook his head, careful to avoid looking at either of them.

"I ruined it." Tony whispered. "I always ruin it."

Steve could feel his stomach tightening. This was his fault. Not only did he piss Bucky off by making really serious decisions that affect him without him, but he also made Tony think it was his fault.

"No. No, sweetheart, you didn't ruin anything." Steve said slowly. He took a step closer to Tony, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder when Bucky forcibly pushed him back with a soft growl.

He froze instantly, not knowing if Bucky was getting ready to attack him or Tony or what. Bucky had never gotten physically aggressive with anyone besides violent enemies before. There was a second where they both paused and looked at each other before Bucky curled over Tony, let the man bury his face into his shirt, and wrapped his arms around him. Bucky was protecting him. Bucky was protecting him from Steve.

It seemed so wrong and inappropriate, that Bucky, the man he loved and respected with all his heart, felt the need to protect Tony from him. Maybe Bucky saw his dark and impure intentions toward him. Maybe he realized why Steve had to stop spending every moment of the day with him. Or maybe Bucky just thought that Tony needed to be protected in his vulnerable state he was in because Steve was a poor leader and who did and said the wrong things.

Steve took a step back, whatever Bucky's reasoning Steve trusted him with Tony more than he did himself. So far this whole thing had been one fuck up after another and it was all his fault. He was the one who got Tony hurt in the first place, he was the one who went behind Bucky's back to hire that nurse, and he was the reason Tony was falling right in front of him and he couldn't do a single thing about it.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He didn't take his eyes off of Bucky and Tony, the larger man still curled gently over the other and whispering soft endearments in his ear. It was a text from Pepper, she had arrived at the tower and was bringing the nurse up now.

"His name is Kyle Anderson. He used to be an army nurse but retired after his brother was killed in action. He now offers full-time nursing care to those suffering from serious injuries." Steve said slowly. "He doesn't have a criminal record and his psych evaluation came back fine. He'll be up in a few minutes."

He backed up towards the door. Bucky glared at him. "Get rid of him. He's not needed." He said firmly.

Steve shook his head. "I'm sorry. I can't do that. I need to let this happen." He said. Bucky's face hardened and he turned back to Tony. "We should talk about this later. I'm an idiot and we need to talk all of this through. I'm sorry."

Bucky didn't say anything, the only sound in the room was Tony's heavy breathing. He turned and left, walking down the hall as he blinked the tears from his eyes as the whole weight of the situation came crashing down on him. He just ruined everything. Tony probably hated him, he had the right to, and Bucky definitely hated him.

The elevator doors opened as he walked up to them and Pepper stepped out with Mr. Anderson, who looked around the penthouse with wide eyes. Steve quickly stepped passed them and into the elevator.

"Tony's having a bad day today, sorry." He muttered. He didn't look up at them as he pressed the button for his floor. Steve didn't say anything more. Pepper would have briefed where his room was located, a guest room on the communal floor, and that the tower was still wired to send out an alert if Tony's vitals ever changed significantly and what his allergies were and everything. He wasn't needed here anymore.

Instead of hanging around he went down to his and Bucky's floor. It seemed so strange and empty, not a sound in the place. After spending so much time up in Tony's penthouse with him and Bucky, the place didn't hold the same comfort it used to. He sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands as he waited for Bucky to come down so they could hopefully talk.


End file.
